Master Party Planner from the Stars and Beyond!
by SpookyChild
Summary: It's the anniversary of when Ryou got the Millennium Ring, and Bakura just has to throw the best party for him! Just one problem; Ryou thinks that Bakura and Yami are going out! How's Bakura going to handle a jealous Ryou? Epilogue!
1. Anniversary Blues

Bakura: Master Party Planner from the Stars and _Beyond!_

A Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction by SpookyChild.

Author's Notes:

MWAHAHAHAAA!!! I'm back! Or better yet, Bakura the Master is back! Here's the much awaited sequel to "Bakura: Master Backseat Driver from the Stars and _Beyond_!" And by much awaited, I mean much awaited for me. I've really enjoyed writing these stories, and after my computer broke on me, I had to go for a long time without writing anything. But, it's here now, and that's all that counts. It's Bakura and Ryou's anniversary, and Bakura just has to throw the best party for his "little Aibou". Bakura the Master strikes again!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or anything pertaining to Yu-Gi-Oh. And I don't own Martha Stuart (thank God), nor do I own Ricky Lake (thank God again), nor do I own Xena (this could go on all day). Jeez, just read the story already.

---

"Sometimes people think they are so in love   / 

When it's the first person they've ever been with  / 

I think it's so stupid  / 

You have to keep your eyes open. "     - New Found Glory

---

Chapter One: "Anniversary Blues."  Day One: Tuesday, 10:45 A.M. 

"…And with just a blowtorch and a little nutmeg, you can have the best party ever."

Bakura turned off the television set angrily.

"Damn you, Martha Stuart! You're not helping!" He threw the remote down. Ryou's dad walked in with the phone in his hand.

"Hey, Crazy Egyptian Spirit Who Lives In My Son's Necklace?" He asked. Bakura perked up.

"Yes?"

"Phone for you. Someone named 'Martha', or something."

Bakura's eyes widened. "_Martha Stuart_?!" He grabbed the phone. "Damn it, Martha, I told you to stop calling! It's over!"

"Um, hello?" The voice on the other line asked. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"Who's this? Are you a stalker?!" Bakura shrieked fearfully. 

"No, no! It's me, Malik!" Malik explained. Bakura narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, _you_."

"Why'd you call me Martha?"

"Because I'm watching 'Martha Stuart Living'."

"Oh, that Martha. She could make a soccer ball out of toothpicks."

"You saw that episode too?" Bakura asked.

"Yeah. So anyway, I hear it's you and Ryou's anniversary Friday. I didn't know you two were married." Malik stated, changing the subject.

Bakura gripped the phone. "WE'RE NOT!" he screamed.

"Okay, okay, jeez. So, are you throwing him a party?"

"Probably."

"Can I come?"

"…No." Bakura replied, hanging up the phone quickly. Bakura fell back on the couch, landing over the armrest with his legs dangling over the side. He sighed.

"Hmm, I have to throw the best party for my Aibou. But, jeez, I can't seem to get any help. I'm surrounded by idiots!" Bakura yelled. 

"I'm not an idiot."

"AHHHHH!" Bakura screamed, tumbling backwards so he was sitting up. He looked around, but didn't see anyone. He looked up cautiously.

"Ra, did you say something?" 

"Um, I'm right behind you." The voice said again. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"Ra, why would you be behind me?" He looked behind him to see Ryou. "Oh."

Ryou shook his head. "Yami, sometimes I worry about you."

"Someone has to."

"Anyway, I was thinking Yami. Since Friday is the anniversary of when I got the Millennium Ring, I was wondering if you would like to do something. You know, maybe go out to dinner? I mean, I know you don't really like doing that mushy stuff, but…"

Bakura waved his hand dismissively.

"Nah, I thought we'd just sit around all day, maybe watch 'Xena'."

Ryou frowned. "Again? That's all you and my dad do all day, watch 'Xena' and get drunk."

Bakura sighed dreamily. "Only on Sundays, Aibou, only on Sundays…" He looked off into nowhere. Ryou sighed sadly and walked back upstairs. Bakura shook his head a watched Ryou leave.

_Sorry, Aibou, but if I'm going to throw you a party, it's got to be a secret,_ he thought. He suddenly jumped up on the couch.

"A SECRET ONLY I KNOW!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

Ryou's Dad popped his head in. "Get your shoes off the couch!"

Bakura fell down. "Yes, Sir."

***

_Tuesday, __6:53 P.M._

"Dinner!" Ryou's Dad called from the kitchen. 

"So…hungry…" Bakura groaned, crawling to the table. He pulled himself up. "What's for dinner, Daddy?" 

"Hamburgers." He answered. He looked around. "Where's Ryou?"

Bakura looked around also. "He might still be mad." He replied guiltily. 

"Hmm, I'll go up and tell him it's dinner time." Ryou's Dad exited. A few minutes later he came back.

"He must be really mad, hamburgers are his favorite." 

A thought came to Bakura.

"Hey, Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have the biggest hamburger? On Ryou's favorite plate?" He asked. Ryou's Dad shrugged.

"I don't see why not." He handed him the plate. Bakura bowed.

"Much thanks, Father-sama." He dashed up the stairs, leaving 'Father-sama' in shock at his sudden politeness. 

Bakura stopped right outside Ryou's door and knocked softly. When Ryou didn't answer, he opened the door slightly. He walked over to where Ryou lay facedown in the pillow, sleeping. He sat the plate down on the nightstand and left quietly.

He stood outside the door for a minute before racing down the hall, screeching like a banshee. He took a flying leap over the top step, landing on the bottom. Without stopping, he dashed into the kitchen, grabbing the back of his chair and swinging himself around so he was sitting.

"I want 'mah hammy burger, Daddy! Hop to it!" He shrieked happily. Ryou's Dad frowned as he set Bakura's 'hammy burger' down.

"What happened to 'Father-sama'?" He asked. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"That doesn't sound like something I would say." He replied, shoving half of the hamburger in his mouth. He swallowed quickly.

"Oh, hey, Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Can I throw a party for 'Ryou'-," Bakura began, air-quoting Ryou's name, "-this Friday? It's our anniversary." 

"I didn't know you two were married." Ryou's Dad replied. Bakura's eyebrow twitched.

"WE'RE NOT!" He screamed.

"Okay, sorry. Sure, why not? Do you need help with anything?" Ryou's Dad asked. Bakura thought for a minute.

"…Yes. But I'm sure it won't be that hard."

Ryou's Dad raised his eyebrow. "So, does this mean that 'Bakura the Master' will strike again?"

Bakura thought for a minute. "Yes." He jumped up on his seat. "I AM BAKURA! THE MASTER PARTY PLANNER!" He shouted, shoving the rest of his hamburger in his mouth. Immediately, Bakura started choking on said hamburger. He slammed his fist against his chest repeatedly, coughing uncontrollably until he finally swallowed it. Bakura took a deep breath.

"…Can I have another hamburger?" He asked. 

*** 

_Tuesday, __9:26 P.M._

Bakura slipped into the kitchen unnoticed. He giggled nervously, like he was doing something sneaky. Without even turning the light on, he grabbed the phone and dived under the table. He dialed a number.

"Hello?" Yami's voice answered.

"Pharaoh! I need your help!" Bakura whispered frantically.

In the living room, Ryou stumbled down the stairs, rubbing his eyes with his fists. He looked around, noticing all the lights were off.

"Yami?" he called softly.

Bakura looked towards the living room cautiously. 

"Did you hear that?" He whispered into the phone.

"No, due to the fact that I'm not in your house." Yami answered.

Bakura shrugged. "Never mind. Okay, the party is Friday, and I need some help getting the stuff. You know, cake and party favors. The whole works."

"No problem." Yami replied.

Ryou walked over to the phone in the living room.

_I think I'll call Yuugi_. He said to himself. He picked up the phone.

"-Thanks, Pharaoh. I don't know what I'd do with out you. You really made me happy." Ryou heard Bakura's voice and put the phone down.

_What are those two talking about? _Ryou thought. He walked slowly up the stairs.

"-You're a lifesaver, Pharaoh. So what time do you want to come over so we can go to the store?" Bakura asked.

"I don't know, probably around ten. Is that okay?" 

"That's perfect. See you tomorrow." Bakura placed the phone back on its handle and crept up the stairs. He opened the door to the room he shared with Ryou, where Ryou sat at the mirror brushing his hair. Bakura frowned and walked over to him.

"You're not doing it right!" Bakura snatched the hairbrush from his hand and started brushing Ryou's hair. Ryou smiled.

_Aww, I shouldn't have doubted my Yami. He cares; he just doesn't know how to show it. _Ryou thought to himself.

"Oh, and the Pharaoh and me are going out tomorrow." Bakura stated. Ryou snatched the hairbrush back.

"You're done." Ryou growled, getting up and going over to the bed, pulling the covers up over his head and facing the wall. Bakura blinked.

"O-okay." Bakura turned off the light and laid down on the bed, pulling half of the covers on him. "Nighty-night, Hikari." Bakura closed his eyes.

"Goodnight, _Bakura_."

Bakura's eyes snapped open.

_He…he just called me Bakura.  _Bakura thought to himself. His eyes widened. _He must be having those teenage hormones! Soon he's going to be disrespecting his dad, acting up in school, then before you know it, he's on __Ricky__Lake__ getting hauled off to boot camp! AND HE'LL GET HIS NOSE PIERCED! Dear Ra, I just have to get the best present for him, and stop him from regressing into teen angst mode!_

Ryou frowned angrily. _I'll find out what you are hiding from me, I swear to God I will. _Ryou rolled over, taking all the covers with him. He grabbed Bakura's pillow out from under him and held it to him and faced the wall again. Bakura rolled over.

"Hey…" Bakura reached over to take his pillow back. Ryou slapped his hand away. Bakura lay back down. "You know, I'm cold too." He tried to snuggle up closer to Ryou. Ryou scooted over, pushing Bakura away in the process.

Bakura frowned. "Damn teenage hormones…"

Ryou frowned. 

_God, now he thinks I'm just an immature child! No wonder he's hanging out with Yuugi's Yami. He probably wants someone older._ Ryou thought sadly.

"I'm not immature…" Ryou grumbled sadly. Bakura looked over his shoulder.

"What did you say, Hikari?"

"I said, move over!" Ryou snapped, and gave him a kick for good measure.

-----------------

(A/N)

What's gonna happen?! What's gonna happen?! You'll just hafta wait, baaaaby!  Okay, no. What's with this craziness? Is Ryou really having hormones? What's going to happen when Bakura and Yami go shopping? Wait a minute, Bakura actually doing something _nice_? Maybe there's help for the little punk after all. Oh well, find out more in the next chapter. 

Chapter Two; "The Hunter and The Hunted."

Until the future happens (which it often does.), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.


	2. The Hunter and the Hunted

Bakura: Master Party Planner from the Stars and _Beyond_!

A Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Author's Notes:

Okay, I admit it; I didn't have anything planned for this chapter. Turned out nicely though, didn't it? Wait, I can't ask you, you haven't read it yet. Oh well, another confession; I don't have anything planned out for the next chapter, either! So it might take a while to get that one posted, but never fear, for I _do_ have something planned for the fourth chapter, and also a short ending chapter about the day after the party. So, please, keep behaving like the sweet little minions you have been and before you know it, I'll have this story done and posted in an eternity of weekends.

---

"When you smile, I melt inside  /

I'm not worthy for a minute of your time  /

I really wish it was only me and you  /

I'm jealous of everybody in the room." –Blink 182

"Am I strung out, crazy or not allowed  /

To be the who gets stupid over you." –Blink 182

---

Chapter Two: " The Hunter and The Hunted."

_Day Two: Wednesday: 10: 06 A.M. _

Ryou opened his eyes groggily and yawned. He rolled over to face his Yami, who was curled up next to him, still asleep. Ryou smiled.

_Awww, I should just apologize and end this._ Ryou thought to himself. He reached over and lightly shook Bakura.

"Yami, wake up…" Bakura stirred slightly and opened his eyes, smiling faintly. 

" 'Morning, Hikari."

Ryou smiled. "Good morning, Yami. I have something to tell you-," A thought came to Ryou. "Hey, Yami? You would never leave me, would you?"

Bakura gave Ryou his 'don't-be-stupid' smile.

"Don't be stupid, Aibou. I will never leave you alone."

Ryou beamed, happier than he had ever been before.

_He said it! He practically said it! I should never have doubted him, even for a second! I'm so happy, I could just…I could just kiss him!_ Ryou blushed at the thought that just crossed his mind. _He wouldn't mind…would he?_ Ryou leaned over to kiss his Yami. The door to the room opened and Ryou's dad walked in.

"Hey, Crazy Egyptian Spirit, that Soul-Shattering Pharaoh has been downstairs for almost ten minutes waiting for you!" Ryou's dad exclaimed. Bakura jumped out of bed and dashed out into the hallway, still in his night clothes. Ryou, who was still leaning, almost fell off the bed.

"See you, Aibou, I'm _leaving!" He called back to Ryou. Ryou growled angrily, gripping his pillow so hard that he ripped it. His dad blinked and left quickly._

"_Kiss him?! Hell, I'm going to KILL him!" Ryou screamed. Bakura suddenly rushed back into the room._

"Hey, Aibou, can I have some money?" He asked. Ryou smiled sweetly.

"Sure, Yami," Ryou said in his sweet-as-sugar voice. He picked up his wallet from the table and hurled it at Bakura. Bakura quickly ducked out the door, the wallet landing harmlessly at the floor. Bakura stuck his head back in the room. 

"Ha! You missed me!" Bakura called to Ryou, and immediately got smacked in the face with a pillow. Bakura walked down the stairs, rubbing the side of his head. He entered the living room to see Yami sitting on the couch. Yami stood up, looking Bakura up and down.

"Are you going to get dressed, or what?" Yami asked impatiently. Bakura almost forgot he was wearing his night clothes, which consisted of a white shirt with a teddy bear on it saying, "I Wuv You!", baggy plaid pants, and big, fluffy bunny slippers. He shrugged.

"Hey, it's clothes. Besides, I'm not going back in _there again." _

Yami shook his head. "At least put on some shoes."

"And get rid of Mr. and Mrs. Loveykins? I don't think so." Bakura replied, referring to his slippers. Yami shook his head again and took off his jacket.

"Here, put this on, at least. I can't believe you're going out in public like that."

Ryou appeared at the top of the stairs, looking over the banister to see Yami offering his jacket to Bakura. He gripped the banister.

"Fine! Go off with him! See if I care, you…you…" Ryou thought for the right words to say. "YOU TWO-TIMING MAN-WHORE!" He screamed, and ran back up the stairs.

Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"You think he's mad at me? I'm guessing its teenage hormones all the talk-show hosts are talking about." Bakura said. 

"I'm glad my little Hikari is a late bloomer. I haven't had to deal with those yet."

"Yeah, he's so short."

"Hey, it isn't the size that counts; it's what you do with it." Yami replied. Bakura raised his eyebrow again.

"…Let's just get out of here." Bakura grabbed Yami's arm and led him out the door. "By the way, what's a two-timing man-whore?"

Yami shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not hip with this generations word, yo."

"…Whatever, home-boy."

***

Ryou watched the two Yami's drive off. He threw the curtains together angrily and jumped on his bed, pulling Bakura's pillow closer to him and hugging it to his chest.

"Now, what can those two be up to?" he mumbled to himself.

_Why __do __you __care? A voice in his head asked. Ryou rolled over and stared up at the ceiling._

"I don't. It's just…" 

_You're jealous._

"Yes! Wait, no! I didn't say that!" Ryou shrieked defensively.

_Of course you did. Who do you think I am? _

"I'm not jealous; I just want to know what those two are doing together."

_I don't know, probably doing a little dance…_

Ryou raised his eyebrow.

_…making a little love…_

Ryou's eyes widened.

_…basically getting down tonight._

"No way would my Yami do that!" Ryou shrieked.

_Maybe he doesn't want some idiot, immature little **child.**_

Ryou raised his eyebrow again. "Why am I degrading myself? Just whom in my head am I speaking to?"

_…gotta go._

Ryou shook his head firmly and picked up the phone, quickly dialing a number. A voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Malik! Would you consider doing me a little favor?"

***

"Man, I wonder why Ryou wants me to follow Bakura and Yami?" Malik mumbled to himself. He shrugged. Why should he care? He was getting twenty bucks out of it. He paused at the couch, and decided to flip once more through the channels, just to make sure nothing good was on. 

"…and now you just glue the toothpicks together, and Voila! A homemade soccer ball!"

Malik's eyes widened. He couldn't leave now! 'Martha Stuart Living' was on, and it was his favorite episode! He quickly called to his Yami, who was in the kitchen making what he called a 'Super Parmesan Chicken Vinaigrette Italian Sub', which looked oddly like a ham and cheese sandwich to Malik, but Yami Malik was sticking to his story.  He stuck his head into the living room, half of his sandwich in his mouth.

"Yami, can you do me a favor?" Malik asked without tearing his eyes away from the screen. Y. Malik sighed.

"Fine, you go get the grass skirt, I'll get the hula music." 

"What? No, not that! It's something different." Malik explained.

"Damn…" Y. Malik pouted. Malik raised his eyebrow and shook his head.

"Okay, Yami, listen to me closely. _Closely_. Are you listening? Look at me. No, not at your shoes, look at me. _Me_. Okay, are you listening? Look at me. Yami, _pay attention_. Okay? Okay. Now, I want you", Malik pointed at Y. Malik's chest, "To spy on the- are you listening? –the Thief and the Pharaoh. Did you pay attention to that?"

Y. Malik looked up from making his sandwich walk across the table.

"What?"

Malik grabbed Y. Malik's face and made him look into his eyes. "I want you to spy on the Thief and the Pharaoh. Did you get that?"

"_Fly_ the Thief and the Pharaoh?" Y. Malik asked, confused.

Malik shook his head. "No, _spy_."

"Spy?"

"Yes." Malik answered.

"Now, whom am I spying on?" Y. Malik asked.

"The Thief and the Pharaoh." Malik stated slowly. He waited until the knowledge slowly registered in his Yami's head. Finally, Y. Malik slowly nodded his head. 

"Okay, so what's in it for me?" Y. Malik asked. 

"Ten dollars?" Malik suggested. Y. Malik simply looked at him blankly. It was like water trying to leak into concrete! Malik sighed.

"I'll get one of those big jars of mayonnaise I know you like to argue with."

Y. Malik flared up with anger.

"I swear, what's with those _big jars of mayonnaise_?! Who's going to eat _all of that mayonnaise_?!" Y. Malik calmed down. "Deal."

Malik smiled. "Thanks Yami."

"Okay, so where are they?"

Malik thought this over. "You know, Ryou never really said. Umm, I guess you'll just have to…follow their scent."

Y. Malik shrugged and left out the door. Malik closed it behind him, watching his Yami as he walked down the driveway. 

"Aww, I'm so proud of my Yami! He gets smarter every day!" Malik exclaimed, wiping a tear from his eye.

*** 

_Wednesday: 11:52 A.M._

"Hey, Pharaoh, cough up a quarter."

Yami turned away from the entrance to face Bakura, who was staring intently at the mechanical pony in front of the Party Store. He shook his head.

"Let's wait until we leave."

"Damn it, I want to ride the pony!" Bakura cried angrily. 

"Listen, do you want your Hikari to like you again, or would you rather ride that damn pony?!" Yami asked angrily. Bakura stood thoughtful, turning this information over in his head. After ten minutes of Bakura's 'thinking', Yami grabbed his hand angrily and dragged him into the store. 

"Uh, Pharaoh?" Bakura asked, looking around confused.

"Yes?"

"Just what kind of things do you buy for a party?"

Yami thought for a moment. "Um, party…stuff? Hold on, I'll ask." He turned and walked away. Bakura shrugged and wandered into the costume department. Yami strode over to a teenage girl wearing a uniform, which signaled that she worked there. 

"Uh, hey you." Yami said. The girl turned around.

"Yami!" Anzu squealed. Yami cringed.

"Oh, you work here?" he asked.

(What are you doing here?)

"Yeah, isn't it a coincidence?" she replied happily.

(I'm stalking you.)

"Yeah, what a coincidence."

(She's stalking me.)

"Isn't it?"

(Sure am.)

Yami rubbed the back of his neck, so Anzu continued.

"So, what are you here for?" she asked.

(Did you come to see me?)

"I came to get some party supplies." Yami answered.

(Hell no.)

***

_Wednesday: 12:05 P.M._

"Feh, _you're_ not the Pharaoh." Y. Malik stated. The woman pulled her arm away from him.

"Stop smelling me, you pervert!" She cried, whacking him on the side of his head with her purse. He glared up at her, his third eye glowing as he pulled out the Millennium Rod.

"_YOU DARE TO STRIKE_-Oooh, a penny!" Y. Malik squealed at he trotted over to pick it up. He looked up suddenly, sniffing the air.

"I smell the Pharaoh!" He cried, and dashed in the direction of the Party Store.

***

Yami shuddered.

"What's the matter, Yami?" Anzu asked.

"It felt like someone just walked over my grave." He exclaimed. Anzu decided it was her job to 'console' him.

"Aww, it's okay." She soothed, and started to rub his back. Yami narrowed his eyes.

"Please refrain from touching me. Thank you." He growled. Anzu quickly pulled her hand away. 

Out of nowhere, Bakura came up behind Yami and slipped his arms around his waist. Yami's eyes bulged out of his head. "Eeep!"

Anzu growled at Bakura.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Yami whispered frantically.

"Saving your ass. Now play along!" Bakura whispered back. Bakura thought for a moment, and then whispered something in Yami's ear that made the Pharaoh blush. Bakura stopped abruptly and faced Anzu.

"Do you mind?" He waved her away. She growled, spun around and stalked away. 

"Don't say stuff like that to me!" Yami shrieked. Bakura smirked.

"Oh shut up, you know you like it."

"I'm not your Hikari! Stop messing with my head!"

Bakura smiled evilly. "That's not the only thing I'm going to mess with."

"You're doing it again!" Yami shouted.

Just then, the doors burst open and Y. Malik jumped inside.

"_I smell the Pharaoh_!" He shouted. He scanned the store before seeing Yami and Bakura, still 'hugging'. 

"NO ONE HUGS WITHOUT MEEEE!" Y. Malik shrieked, diving on top of the two Yamis. They all landed in a pile on the floor, with Yami on the bottom.

"Aww, I love you, Thief." Y. Malik stated, nuzzling Bakura.  

"Get off! I'm not your damn pony!" Yami ordered from the bottom of the pile. Bakura perked up.

"PONY?!" he shrieked happily.

"Ride the Pharaoh, ride the Pharaoh!" Y. Malik squealed.

"Stop bouncing!" Bakura screamed. 

Yami suddenly stood up, expecting to push the other Yamis off. But due to the fact that they were all still clinging to him, however, they all fell backwards, now with Y. Malik on the bottom.

"Now _I'M_ the pony!" Y. Malik exclaimed, hugging Bakura closer to him.

"Thief, get your hands off my waist, if you want to keep them intact with your wrists." Yami growled. Bakura snatched his hands away, laughing nervously.

"Oops, sorry, Pharaoh." Bakura froze. "Wait, who's touching _my_ waist?" he shrieked.

"Aww, I love you, Thief."

"AHHHHH!" Yami and Bakura both jumped away from Y. Malik. Yami brushed himself off.

"Okay, I got the party supplies, let's go." 

Bakura raised his eyebrow. "When did you get the party supplies?"

"I don't know! They're in my hand, they're in a bag, the receipts in here, let's _go_!" Yami shouted impatiently. All three started towards the door. Yami turned and faced Y. Malik. "Why are you following us?"

"I'm certainly not spying on you two, if that's what you mean." Y. Malik answered. Yami raised his eyebrow and leaned over to Bakura.

"I think he's spying on us."

Bakura snorted. "What are you talking about? He just said he wasn't. Hey, look! Costumes!" He dashed over to the costume department, which was right next to the exit. He came out, holding a costume.

"Hey, look! A _Pharaoh_ costume!" he laughed. He put it back and walked over to Yami. "Hey, you remember when you were Pharaoh?"

Yami narrowed his eyes. "Yes."   

"Yeah. You were doing well until everyone _died_."

Yami shrugged. "Hey, I tried helping them, I tried _not_ helping them, and it all blew up in my face."

Bakura shook his head. "Some things never change. It just shows that you can lead a horse to water-,"

"-But you can't change its spots." Y. Malik interrupted. "Boy, don't I know it, sister."

Bakura blinked. "Not exactly where I was going, but…" As they exited, Bakura caught sight of the pony machine. He ran over to Yami and started whining.

"Pharaoh, you promised me a quarter-_Pharaoh, you promised me_- _PHARAOH_-!"

"ALL RIGHT!" Yami reached into his pocket and produced a quarter. 

"I want one too!" Y. Malik shrieked. Yami reached into his pockets, but couldn't find one.

"Sorry, you'll both have to share." Yami explained. Bakura and Y. Malik both turned to stare at each other.

"I'm not sharing my quarter with that psycho!" Bakura yelled and jumped on the pony ride. 

"Hey!" Y. Malik grabbed Bakura threw him off.

Bakura jumped up and threw a swing at Y. Malik, who dodged. Bakura tried again, and this time one connected, and Y. Malik fell to the ground hard. It was when Y. Malik took out his Millennium Rod that Yami lost it.

"You know what?! I'm about to put this quarter back in my pocket and take you both home because _you kids are driving me crazy_!" Yami screamed. "Now both of you _get on that damn horse_!"

Bakura and Y. Malik both obeyed and got on the horse. Yami stuck the quarter in and the ride started. Almost instantly, 

Y. Malik started to cry.

"What the Hell's wrong with you?" Bakura asked.

"_It's too faaaaast_!" Y. Malik wailed. Bakura started to shove him away, which only succeeded in making Y. Malik cry louder. Finally Yami had enough and grabbed them both by one ear and dragged them off.

"Waste of my damn quarter…" He mumbled, while Bakura started crying and saying the ride wasn't even over, and then started punching Y. Malik just to be annoying. Yami stopped and turned to face them.

"Okay, if I buy you both a Popsicle, will you two shut up?" Yami asked. Bakura and Y. Malik were both quiet as they thought.

"…I WANT GRAPE!" Bakura shouted. Y. Malik shoved him.

"No way, I'm getting grape!"

"I called it first!" Bakura shrieked.

"Calm down, there's bound to be more than one grape!" Yami explained. Bakura and Y. Malik were both quiet as they thought this over again.

"…I CALL ORANGE!" Bakura shouted. Yami grabbed him by his shirt collar.

"Hey, if anyone's getting orange, it's going to be me."

*** 

_Wednesday: 7:34 P.M. _

Y. Malik walked up to his front door. 

"Bye, Pharaoh! Bye Thief, I love you!" He called. The car in his driveway backed up and drove away rather fast. He shrugged and walked into his house. Malik immediately rushed over to him.

"Well, what happened?"

Y. Malik thought for a moment.

"Well, first I couldn't find them 'cause I was sniffing the wrong people. But then when I found them, the Thief and the Pharaoh were hugging, so I decided to hug too. And then the Pharaoh was on the bottom and I was on the top, and the Thief was in the middle, and we all rode the Pharaoh."

At this point, Malik's eyes bulged out. Y. Malik continued.

"And then the Pharaoh got mad, so _I_ was on the bottom, and _he_ was on the top. The Thief was still in the middle, 'cause he didn't have a say in the matter. And then we rode the pony, but it was too fast, and the Thief kept nudging me. Then the Pharaoh bought me a Popsicle! Then they brought me home, 'cause they said they didn't want me tagging along, 'cause they wanted to be alone to do something, but they wouldn't tell me what." He paused for a minute. "Did I tell you the Pharaoh bought me a Popsicle?"

"Did you take notes?" Malik asked franticly. Y. Malik thought for a minute.

"Oh yeah!" He pulled a notepad out from God-knows-where and handed it to Malik. Malik flipped through the pages, which were covered in drawings.

"Where's the notes?!" He asked. 

"Those are the notes!" Y. Malik pointed to a page. "See, that's me," He pointed to a squiggle line that looked very happy and had hearts and smiley faces coming out of it, "and that's the Thief," he then pointed to another squiggle line with angry eyes holding a knife, "and there's Pharaoh!" He pointed to a perfect portrait of Yami holding a Popsicle. Malik raised his eyebrow.

"Okay, you go back to your drawings and I'm going to use the phone." Malik explained. Y. Malik shrugged and wandered away. Malik grabbed the phone and ran into the living room, dialing the numbers even before he reached the couch.

*** 

_Wednesday: 7:58 P.M._

"…And that's all that he told me. There could have been more, but I'll have to hypnotize him in order to drag it out." Malik explained, on the phone with Yuugi and Ryou.

"Are we going to play 'Senor Enchanto' again?" Y. Malik called from the kitchen.

"Go back to your pancake farm." Malik answered.

"But I think Mr. and Mrs. Butterworth are taking bribes!" Y. Malik cried, but went back to his work.

"Anyway, back to what we were talking about…" Malik started. Suddenly, there was a loud cry heard over the line.

"IT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S NOT TRUE!" There was the sound of a click.

"…I think Yuugi's gone. Ryou, you still there?" Malik asked.

"…I'm gonna kill him…I'm gonna kill him…I'm gonna kill him…" There was another click as Ryou left the conversation. Malik looked at the phone and hung up himself. He sighed and leaned back in his chair. Y. Malik came into the living room.

"Aww, you look sad-WANNA BITE?!" Y. Malik screamed, holding a fork covered in syrup with some pancake at the end in Malik's face. Malik sighed again and ate it.

"Oops…" Y. Malik said uneasily.

"What?" Malik asked.

"That wasn't a pancake…" Y. Malik answered as Malik groaned and ran into the bathroom.

*** 

Yami pulled to a stop at Bakura' house. After they said their goodbyes, thank yous, you're welcomes, good nights, and an outburst of 'I'll destroy all that is good in your life someday', Yami backed up and headed towards his own house. He opened the door and stepped inside. He was immediately confronted by Yuugi, who looked oddly threatening in his Dark-Magician robe over lighter blue pajamas. Yami backed into a corner.

"What did you do today?" Yuugi asked in a terrifyingly calm voice. 

"I-I just hung out w-with Bakura and Y-Yami Malik." Yami stuttered. 

"Uh huh, uh huh, right." Yuugi replied sarcastically. He stepped up closer to Yami, who immediately tried to back against the wall, but only managed to slide down it. "Are you sleeping with them?!"

Yami raised his eyebrow and stood up. "Why the Hell would I sleep with those two losers when I have you?"

"Oh Yami, I knew you wouldn't do anything like that!" Yuugi chirped happily, immediately hugging his Yami's arm. 

"Then why'd you ask…?" Yami mumbled. Yuugi's eyes snapped open and he glared at his Yami.

"Do I have to get the ice?!" He snapped. Yami waved his free hand in protest.

"No, sir."

Yuugi suddenly giggled, which caused Yami to peer over at him.

"What's so funny?" He asked. Yuugi looked up at him and shifted his eyes away teasingly.

"I was just thinking of how fun it would be to rip off your clothes with my teeth, succumb to your mad sex skills and make sweet-sweet love to you."

Yami raised his eyebrow.

"Then what the Hell are we doing in here?" He asked, leading Yuugi to the bedroom. 

*** 

Bakura fumbled with his keys, opening the door and entering his house.

_This is the perfect chance_! He thought happily, noticing all the lights were off. _Now I can hide all these party things in the attic without Aibou finding out._ He slowly walked through the darkness, trying to find the stairway that led to the attic. Twice he ran into the same table, and he swore he knocked over the same vase three times. He finally located the stairway and stumbled up the steps, stashing the party favors in the nearest compartment. He made his way down the steps and headed towards his room. As he neared the door, he tripped over some unidentified items that seemed to be scattered all over his walkway. He fell, and his forehead slammed into the door.

"GOD DAMNIT!" He screamed, dropping to the ground with his hand over his forehead as he waited for the dizziness to fade. After twenty minutes, he staggered to his feet and felt around for the light switch. When he turned it on, he found his pillow and a blanket on the floor. He looked around and noticed a note on the floor next to them. He picked it up.

_You sleep on the COUCH tonight._

                               _         -Ryou_

Bakura tossed the note away, grabbed his pillow and curled up as close as he could to the door. He sighed.

"G'night, Hikari." He mumbled. Ryou, who was sleeping against the other side of the door, smiled sadly. 

"Good night, Yami."

-----------------

(A/N)

Aww, wasn't that such a cute ending? Didn't it make you feel all warm and gooey on the inside? Well, hopefully not gooey, but warm, nonetheless. Not so warm that you'll start complaining about the air conditioning and start riots in your own home-ah, forget it. Will Ryou and Bakura ever make up? Will I ever not be evil enough to actually _let_ them make up? Will I ever get a life? Not if I can help it! Stay tuned for the next chapter, about cake! (And things not pertaining to cake.)

Chapter Three; "The Pharaoh's Gift…OF DOOM!" 

(You see, you just add 'doom' to something and it makes you want to read it!)

Until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.


	3. The Pharaoh's Gift of DOOM!

Bakura: Master Party Planner from the Stars and _Beyond_!

A Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Authors Notes:

AGH! FINALLY! AFTER MINUTES OF PLANNING, CHAPTER THREE IS DONE! Actually, it was far more than 'minutes' of planning. Actually, weeks and weeks of planning, which led to some unfortunate brain erosion on my part. I am now nothing but the happily drooling criminally insane author everyone thought me to be. I type with a straw. I stick it in my mouth, because straight jackets don't give you much room in which to type with your fingers. I had to sell my medications to buy this straw. I keep seeing little tugboats in the sky, which I've heard were not good. READ OR DIE!

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh belongs to a large, major corporation that has the power to destroy mere mortals like sparrows in a jet turbine. I really don't want to get a lawsuit charged against me, and the C.I.A said that if I was on my best behavior, they'd give me a License to Kill. So in other words, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

--- 

"I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose  /

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  /

Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  /

You gave me everything you had, oh, you gave me light." –Sarah McLachlan

"There's just no rhyme or reason  /

Only this sense of completion  /

And in your eyes  /

I see the missing pieces  /

I'm searching for  /

I think I found my best friend." –Savage Garden

--- 

Chapter Three: " The Pharaoh's Gift…OF DOOM!"

*** 

Ryou opened his eyes to find himself staring up at the ceiling. _What_ _am_ _I_ _doing_ _on_ _the_ _floor_? He thought, rubbing the back of his neck. He stumbled to his feet, using the doorknob to pull himself up. Rubbing his eyes, he started out the door-and fell flat on his face. He opened his eyes, wincing slightly, and stared into the eyes of Bakura. He froze, his face turning an interesting shade of crimson. Bakura started back at Ryou, a smile playing on his lips.

His lips…his…ummm…yeah… 

Ryou opened his mouth to say something when Bakura placed a finger to his lips. Ryou's eyes widened as Bakura leaned in and placed his mouth to Ryou's. His lips were warm and gentle at first but soon became more passionate. At first, Ryou was in shock, but slowly he began to respond to his kissing. His mind was swirling and he was losing his grip on reality. He faintly heard the front door open, and then someone was calling Bakura's name. Ryou realized that the voice belonged to Yami, and at the same time, so did Bakura. Bakura quickly jumped up, waved cheerfully to Ryou and skipped down the stairs. Ryou stayed in his spot for a few seconds, his hands over his face as he tried to keep from blushing too much so his face didn't catch fire. His heart was beating so fast he thought for sure it would jump out of his chest. He jumped up and scrambled to look between the bars on the stairwell, only to see…Bakura and Yami making out?! 

Anger spread through Ryou like wild fire. _How dare he? _He couldn't believe what he was seeing. One second, his Yami was giving him his first kiss, and the next, he was making out with the goddamn PHARAOH! He felt used and betrayed. 

_My Yami will_ _PAY!_

Bakura wrapped his arms around Yami's neck and deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into Yami's mouth. Bakura shifted his gaze to his stunned Hikari and winked. Ryou opened his mouth with horror.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

***

_Day Three: Wednesday, 9:23 A.M._

Ryou's eyes snapped open, sweat covering his face while he tried to catch his breath. He raised his hand, which was shaking violently, to his throat and held it there, gasping as he stared up at the ceiling. _That…dream…was…_ He tried to catch his breath. He froze and raised his eyebrow, a bewildered look on his face. _…Interesting._ He rose and opened the door, his hand over his fore head. He started out the door-and fell flat on his face. He opened his eyes, wincing slightly, and stared into the eyes of Bakura. Bakura blinked.

"Um, good morning." Bakura said bluntly. Ryou blushed slightly, remembering his dream, then stopped abruptly. He remembered Malik's information, and also the not-so-great aspects of his dream. Anger filled him and he jumped to his feet.

"I'LL 'GOOD MORNING' YOU!" Ryou stomped away, leaving a very stunned Bakura lying on the ground. He shrugged and jumped up, heading down the stairs. He walked into the kitchen where Ryou was pouring cereal, mumbling angrily about something. Bakura smiled and walked over to him. He looked over Ryou's shoulder. 

"Daddy bought Lucky Charms! You gonna fix me any?" Bakura asked nicely. Ryou slammed the cereal box down and spun around.

"I'LL FIX YOU!" He screamed, storming out of the kitchen without his cereal. Bakura shrugged and took Ryou's bowl. Yami walked in through the door just as Ryou stormed past him. Yami smiled.

"Hello, Ryou."

"HOME-WRECKER!" Ryou shouted, running up the stairs and slamming his door so hard the whole house shook. 

"Last time I say hello to that ungrateful bastard. I swear; he acts like that damn thief more and more each day." Yami grumbled. "Damn albinos…they're always so moody."

Bakura appeared behind Yami. "Did you say something about my Aibou? You know I'll kill you if you did." He stated. Yami sighed and shook his head.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Yami asked. Bakura thought for a minute.

"We need a cake. Are you supposed to have cakes at parties?"

Yami shrugged. "I'm guessing. What kind does he like?"

Bakura shrugged also. He walked over to the edge of the stairs and looked up.

"Aibou? Hypothetically speaking, what's your favorite cake?" He called. Ryou's door shot open.

"I'LL FAVORITE YOUR CAKE!" Ryou screamed, slamming his door again. Bakura cowered slightly before walking back over to Yami. Yami raised his eyebrow.

"Man, what's with him today?" He asked.

"I don't know. He keeps threatening me in oddly humorous manners." Bakura answered. Suddenly, as if remembering something, Bakura grabbed hold of Yami's shirt.

"I have to get him a present! Dear Ra, Pharaoh, you have to help me! What do you get a teenager?!" Bakura shrieked, sounding like some aging hipster. Yami cleared his throat and shoved Bakura off him. He brushed himself off.

"Okay, how about you and I-,"

"Me and you." Bakura corrected, even though it was incorrect. Yami glared at him.

"…You and I go get a present for him, while…Malik and Jounouchi get a cake. You can tell them the details and everything." Yami explained. Bakura thought this over.

"…I guess I have to invite them now. God damn it! And I'll probably have to invite Honda too!" Bakura cried.

"I think Honda's dead." Yami stated. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, either that or he's at his grandmothers or something, I really don't know." Yami finished. Bakura shrugged and walked over to the phone and dialed a number. It rang five times before it was picked up. Bakura heard some rustling and whispering, and finally Jounouchi answered.

"Hello?" Jounouchi asked warily. 

"Hello…" Bakura put his hand over the phone and turned to Yami. "Um, line?"

"Jounouchi." Yami answered. Bakura nodded and took his hand off the phone.

"Hello, Jounouchi. It's me, Bakura. I was wondering, would you do me-,"

" '_Do_' you? Hell yeah!" Jounouchi exclaimed. 

"God damn it, that's not what I'm talking about!" Bakura shouted. "Now, would you do me a favor?" 

"Uh, yeah sure, okay." Jounouchi answered. There was some more rustling. "Stop it, Seto, I'm on the phone!" Jounouchi whispered away from the mouthpiece. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"God damn sex-addict…" Bakura mumbled. Jounouchi came back on.

"What?" He asked.

"Oh, I was…talking about me. Yeah, I'm addicted to sex. Anyhoo-," Bakura continued without giving Jounouchi the chance to respond.  "There's a cake place in town. I think it's called 'Mary Anne's Cakes.' Oh yeah, that's what it's called." Bakura started to get a drunken look to his face.  "That place is awesome. Mary Anne actually _gets_ in the cake _for_ you." He shook his head fiercely and continued. "Yeah, so, the place is called 'Mary Anne's Cakes.' I want you to go and get one."

"One what?" Jounouchi interrupted. 

 "A cake, you moron. What else would they sell?" Bakura asked angrily.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were talking about Mary Anne. Please, continue."

"Like I was saying. Get a cake. I think chocolate would be okay. I think Aibou once said he like chocolate cake. Either that, or he said he was allergic to it." Bakura went silent for a while. "…Let's hope it's the first one. Just stop by here. I'll leave the door unlocked, and the money for it will be on the table. Oh yeah, and Malik's coming with you." 

"You didn't ask him yet. You can't be sure he's going to go with him." Yami stated from behind Bakura. Bakura grinned evilly.

"Oh, I have ways of making him bend to my will."

"…No you don't!"

Bakura held up his hand to silence him and went back to the conversation with Jounouchi.

"Well, thanks, uh, you." Bakura said, obviously forgetting Jounouchi's name already.

"Hey, it's no problem for a buddy like you." Jounouchi answered. There was some more rustling. "Seto, let go of that!" Jounouchi cried. Bakura quickly slammed the phone down.

"My Ra, has the whole world gone _gay_?" Bakura snapped.

"Possibly." Yami replied absentmindedly.  He suddenly realized that Bakura was staring at him. Yami blinked. "I mean, what?" 

Bakura shook his head and dialed another number.

"Hello, Ishtar residence! I am speaking!" Came a voice. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"Uh, hey, is…" Bakura put his hand over the phone and turned to Yami. "Um, line?"

"Oh, for the love of…" Yami shook his head. "It's Malik!"

Bakura nodded and took his hand off the phone. "Yeah, is Malik there?"

"I'm sorry, you must have 'deh vrong number." Giggled the voice again, impersonating a totally fake German accent. Bakura's eyebrow twitched.

"DAMN IT, PSYCHO! PUT MALIK ON THE PHONE!" Bakura screamed. Y. Malik shrieked in surprise, before laughing uncontrollably.  

"Are you making prank calls to the Soviet Union again? It's your fault they broke up! Get away from that phone!" Malik's voice sounded. Y. Malik screamed again and dropped the phone. Malik picked it up.

"Hello?" Malik answered.

"Jeez, you should keep a leash around him. Anyhoo, Jounouchi's going to come by and pick you up. You two are going to run an errand for me." Bakura said.

"Okay."

"Great. Bye." Bakura hung up. Yami blinked.

"Wow, that was easy!" He exclaimed. Bakura shrugged.

"Yeah, I've got the dirt on him."

"What?" 

Bakura pulled out a picture and handed it to Yami. Yami looked at the picture before clamping a hand over his mouth.

"Oh my Ra, it's a picture of Malik from THAT CHRISTMAN PARTY!" Yami shrieked. Bakura laughed.

"I know! MERRY CHRISTMAS, MALIK!" He put the picture back in his pocket. "Okay, Pharaoh, let's go." Bakura walked back over to the stairs.

"Hey, I'm going somewhere with the Pharaoh, okay?" Bakura called.

"I'LL PHARAOH YOU!" Ryou yelled.

"…Okay! Let's go, Pharaoh!" 

Bakura and Yami walked out the door.

*** 

_Wednesday, 9:28 A.M._

Malik grabbed his coat from the closet and put it on.

"Hey, sis! I'm leaving!" He called. Isis rushed out of the kitchen and grabbed his arm before he left.

"You're taking the Psycho with you, right?" She asked frantically.

"Sorry, I can't." Malik answered. He started for the door again. Isis grabbed him and spun him around.

"If you think I'm going to watch that Psycho, then you're wrong! DEAD WRONG!" She screamed, waving a frying pan threateningly in his face. Malik grabbed the frying pan and set it down.

"Listen, I think Yami is old enough to behave while I'm gone. Aren't you, Yami?" He called. Right on cue, Y. Malik ran out of his room, chasing a chicken.

"COME BACK, FREDRICK! I'M YOUR FRIEEEEEEEND!"  He stopped abruptly when he noticed Malik and Isis staring at him. He blinked. "Um, what?" 

"You'll be a good boy for Isis while I'm gone, right?" Malik asked. Y. Malik sat on the couch.

"Um, okay." Y. Malik answered. Malik smiled.

"Good! I'll be back in a while; I have to meet Jounouchi at the corner. See you!" Malik quickly rushed out the door before Isis could say anything. Two seconds later, Malik stuck his head back in. "And keep him out of my porn." He left. Isis stared at the door before sitting on the couch. She turned her head to look at Y. Malik.

"Erm, hello." She said, noticing that Y. Malik was glaring at her on the other side of the couch. He moved over until he was almost on top of her.

"Did you eat my waffle?!" He asked frantically. Isis blinked.

"Um, no." She stammered. Y. Malik grabbed her arm and sniffed it.

"You smell like waffles." He stated suspiciously. Isis sighed. It was going to be a _long_ day.

*** 

_Wednesday, 11:57 A.M._

"Should I get him this?" 

Yami turned around to see Bakura holding a pen.

"…A pen?" Yami questioned. 

"Oh no, it's not just a pen, it has a clock in it too!" Bakura explained. "So when he writing something he can turn it over and realize, 'Whoa! It's time to hang out with Bakura!'"

Yami shook his head. "Don't…don't get him that." Bakura threw it down angrily and crossed his arms.

"Then I have no idea of what to get him!" Bakura pouted. They walked throughout the store before Yami caught sight of the jewelry department. He thought for a moment, and then grinned evilly.

"_I_ know what you can get him." Yami said slyly. He grabbed Bakura and led him into the jewelry department. He pointed to some rings.

"Now, if you want your Aibou to go ga-ga over you, get him a ring." Yami snickered. Bakura looked at the diamond ring. 

"Are you sure?" Bakura asked. Yami nodded.

"Trust me. I got my Aibou one for our anniversary." Yami answered. Bakura thought for a moment.

"…Do I want Aibou to go 'ga-ga' over me?" He asked.

Yami nodded again. Bakura looked back at the ring.

"May I help you?" 

Bakura looked up to see a salesman standing behind the counter. He pointed to the ring. "How much is that one?"

The salesman reached in and checked the price tag. "Fifteen hundred dollars." He stated. Bakura thought for a moment.

"…I will give you ten dollars." He finally said. The salesman raised his eyebrow.

"Um, no."

Bakura snorted. "Well, is there anything here I can get for ten dollars?"

The salesman reached into the cash register. "How about these two beautiful five-dollar bills?" He replied sarcastically, holding up two five-dollar bills. Bakura thought some more.

"…I will give you two-dollars for them." Yami elbowed Bakura in the side.

"Jeez, it's your _Aibou_! I think you can cough up fifteen hundred dollars for him!" Yami stated. Bakura suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out a credit card.

"Hey, I forgot! I have this!" Bakura exclaimed.

Yami grabbed it and looked at the name. "Hey, this is Kaiba's credit card! Where'd you get it?"

"Um, I…found it." Bakura stammered. Yami narrowed his eyes.

"Where?"

"In his…pocket. Come on, who cares? Kaiba's a billionaire! He won't even notice his credit card is gone." Bakura answered. He turned back to face the salesman. "Could you hold out that ring and say, 'This is for you, Aibou.'?" He asked him. The salesman reached in and held out the ring.

"This is for you, Aibou." He said without emotion. Bakura clasped his hands over his mouth and gasped.

"That…That's it! That's the one!" Bakura exclaimed. He handed the credit card to the salesman.

*** 

_Wednesday, 12:02 P.M._

Jounouchi and Malik pulled up in front of Bakura's house.

"You can go inside, I'll wait in the car." Jounouchi told Malik. 

"Comatose slacker…" Malik grumbled, getting out of the car and walking into the house. He walked over to the nearest table where he saw twenty dollars under a note that said "MALIK." He took the money and put it in his pocket. He wandered into the kitchen and went to get a beer from the fridge, but found a note over them that said "DON'T YOU DARE: I'VE COUNTED THEM, AND I WILL KILL YOU IF ANY ARE GONE WHEN I GET HOME."

"Damn." Malik whispered. He passed by the counter and noticed a few dollars lying on it. He looked around cautiously before taking the money and stuffing it in his other pocket.

"Hey, man, what's taking you so long?" Jounouchi called from the doorway. Malik shrieked and threw the money back on the counter. He dusted himself off and walked out of the kitchen. 

"Okay, okay, I'm coming." Malik and Jounouchi went back in the car. They drove in silence.

"So…what's up?" Jounouchi asked Malik.

"I'm not your damn slave, look up yourself!" Malik snapped. Jounouchi decided that silence was better.

*** 

_Wednesday, 12:10 P.M._

Isis poked her head into the kitchen.

"Psycho? Are you in here?" She asked quietly. There was no response. She wandered back into the living room, and then went into the dining room. "Psycho?" She called softly. There was a giggle that sent chills up Isis's spine. She stepped into the dining room more. _It's okay, it's okay, he's just INSANE._ _I'm just an innocent, BEAUTIFUL girl_. Isis paused. _And so were those campers in 'Jason.' _She walked over to the table. A hand slipped out from under it and grabbed her ankle. She screamed and fell on the floor, just as Y. Malik jumped out from under the table.

"Aww, I'm sorry, Sister Isis. Did I scare you?" Before Isis had the chance to answer, Y. Malik ran out of the room. Isis jumped to her feet and chased him, grabbing him by his hair. She dragged him into his room and grabbed a belt from his closet. She took him downstairs and strapped him to the couch.

"There! Now I can keep and eye on you." Isis said to a very pouty-looking Y. Malik. She grabbed a magazine and started reading, oblivious to the ingenious plan forming in the Psychotic Egyptian's head.

"My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R! My bologna has a second name, it's M-A-Y-E-R! Oh I have to eat it every day, and if you ask me why, I'll SAY-AY-AY-AY! 'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A!" Y. Malik screamed in joy at the end of the song. Isis reached over and whacked Y. Malik over his head with her magazine.

"Would you be quiet? I reading an interview with Keanu Reeves!" She explained. Y. Malik sighed heavily.

"Ah, Keanu, he's so dreamy!"

"…SHUT UP!" Isis yelled, and whacked him in the head again. 

*** 

_Wednesday, 1:47 P.M._

Bakura and Yami pulled into the driveway and got out. 

"Okay, I'm going to go in first and make sure Aibou isn't in there, okay?" Bakura explained. Yami shrugged and leaned against the car while Bakura opened the front door. He walked halfway into the living room when he saw Ryou sitting on the couch, watching T.V. 

Damn it, I have to hide his present somewhere! Bakura looked around frantically before diving behind the couch. He shoved it under just as Ryou looked over the back. 

"What are you doing?" Ryou asked. Bakura started to panic.

"Oh, um, it's just that…I can't watch, it's too scary!" Bakura finally said. Ryou raised his eyebrow.

"Yami, it's a commercial about diapers."

Bakura started to panic again. "Oh, well, you know…Babies, responsibility, AHHH!" He cried, using a totally fake terrified voice. He jumped up and grabbed Ryou's hand and dragged him upstairs.

"Okay, I have something to show you…so stay up here. I have…to…go get it! Yeah!" Bakura quickly shut the door, leaving a very confused Ryou to sit on his bed. Bakura quickly ran down the stairs two at a time. He burst through the front door.

"Okay, Pharaoh, you can come in now!" He called. Yami jogged up the driveway and entered. They both sat down on the couch.

"So, what'll we do now?" Yami asked. Bakura shrugged.

"I don't know, I guess we wait until Malik and the other guy come back." Bakura stated.

"It's Jounouchi! Can't you just remember _one_ name?" Yami asked. Bakura shrugged again. Just then, the front door opened and Malik and Jounouchi entered with the cake. 

"Hey, Bakura, we got it!" Malik called. Bakura jumped up and ran over to them.

"Don't drop it, don't drop it!" He cried, dancing around them. 

"Relax, we're not going to drop it!" Malik yelled. Bakura stopped bouncing around them and went to close the door. As the two cake-holders entered the kitchen, there was a loud splat. Bakura groaned.

"What happened?" He asked, walking into the kitchen.

"…We dropped it." Jounouchi replied sullenly, looking at the floor where the cake was. 

"Well, looks like we're up Dawson's Creek without a paddle." Bakura stated, leaning against the counter. He looked over. "Did someone touch my money?"

Malik looked away slightly to see Yami going through Bakura's fridge. "Hey, he's getting one of your beers." He pointed out. Bakura looked over.

"So?" 

"Oh, okay." Malik walked over to get a beer for himself. Bakura whirled around.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?!" He snapped. Bakura walked over and slammed the refrigerator door shut. "You just don't touch another man's beer!"

"But you let the Pharaoh have one!" Malik whined. 

"Yeah well he's the _PHARAOH. _He could sick his guards out on me _right_ _now_!" Bakura glanced around nervously, expecting some Egyptian guard to pounce on him any minute now.

Yami smiled at how stupid the thief was and finished off his beer. He then reached to grab another one. _I love being the Pharaoh_.

"But we're not in Egypt anymore, you idiot." Malik glared at Bakura.

"Well maybe you aren't. Besides, you're a minor."

Malik could barely control his temper. "YOU'RE A MINOR TOO!"

"The Hell I am! The Pharaoh and I are over five thousand years old… while you haven't even reached puberty." Bakura smiled at the enraged Egyptian. _I love pressing his buttons._

"I have too reached puberty!" Malik grinned devilishly. "Besides, I'm sexier than you."

"You got that right." Yami smiled while drinking his third beer and then he realized everyone was looking at him. "I mean…I want some sex." Yami grumbled in between sips of his beer. 

"What?!" Bakura, Malik, and Jounouchi yelled in unison.  

"I said I want you two to shut up!"   

"Oh…." There was an awkward silence between them all until Yami spoke up.

"I'm going to go buy the ingredients to bake a cake. You'll just have to make one, Thief."

Bakura nodded. 

"Now give me some money." Yami held out his hand.

Bakura didn't have enough money so he gave him Kaiba's credit card. 

"Hey isn't that Seto's credit card?" Jounouchi asked Bakura.

Bakura grabbed Jounouchi and threw him out the door. "You've out stayed your welcome."

Yami was about to leave when Bakura stopped him. "Hey, are you sure you can do this? You did just drink three full beers."

Yami stared at him blankly. "I can hold my liquor, Thief. In fact, I could out drink even you."

Bakura closed his eyes and smiled. "I highly doubt that, Pharaoh."

"Is that a challenge?" Yami asked slyly. 

"Maybe later, Pharaoh. Cake first, drinking contest later." Bakura answered, pushing Yami out the door. 

"Hey, can I use your phone?" Malik called. 

"Yeah, sure." Bakura wandered back into the kitchen and handed it to him. Malik took it, and dialed the number to his house.

*** 

Isis picked up the phone without looking away from her magazine. "Hello?"

"Hey, sis, how's Yami doing? Is he being good?" Malik's voice asked.

"Yeah, he's fine. I gave him some Nyquil earlier, he should be out for a while." She looked over to where Y. Malik was supposed to be, but only saw the ripped belt. "Uh oh, looks like he chewed through the belt again. I better go find him."

"Yeah, you better. Remember the last time he chewed through the strap. He ended up as a Mexican hat-dancer in Peru." Malik informed. Isis nodded.

"Yeah, I know, I know-," Isis was interrupted by a loud crash upstairs. She moved the phone away from her mouth. "Psycho! You better not be in Malik's adult books!"

"Everybody's hugging!" Y. Malik cried from Malik's room. Isis sighed.

"I'll have to talk to you when you get home, the Psycho found your porn. See you." Isis hung up and started up the stairs.

*** 

_Wednesday, 3:34 P.M._

_What_ _the_ _Hell_ _are_ _the_ _ingredients_ _for_ _cake_? Yami thought as he entered the supermarket. He looked around until he found someone who worked there. He quickly approached her.

"Hello. Could you show me what ingredients to get to make a cake?" He asked. The girl spun around.

"Yami!" Anzu squealed. Yami cringed.

"Um, hey."

She wrinkled her nose. "You smell like alcohol. Have you been drinking?"

(Ooh, maybe he's intoxicated!)

"Oh, I've only had three beers." Yami answered.

(And that's not enough to make me like you.)

"Oh. Well, I'll show you to the ingredients. So, you're making a cake for Ryou and Bakura's anniversary?" Anzu asked, handing him a carton of eggs. 

"No, Bakura is. I'm just picking up the ingredients." Yami replied as Anzu started piling more ingredients into his arms. They walked over to the checkout counter, and Yami dumped all the ingredients on it. Anzu started ringing them all up.

"You know, Yami, I get off in ten minutes. I could drop you off at Bakura's." Anzu hinted.

(And if you're as drunk as I think you are, and then maybe we can take a little detour to my house…)

Yami put on a fake smile.  "No, I'm already late as it is."

(It would take more than fifty bottles of tequila before I'd go home with you.)

"Oh. Well, okay then." Anzu replied, handing the bag of groceries to Yami. Yami started out the door, holding the box of cake mix in his hands. He stared at the directions, which were in…Japanese. Yami cursed in Egyptian. He walked back over to Anzu and held the box out to her.

"I can't read this." He stated. Anzu blinked, and then clasped her hands together in understanding. 

"Oh! Because it's not in hieroglyphics! If you wait for me, I can come over and help you two." Anzu said, happy to be able to drive Yami home. "You didn't bring your car, did you?"

Yami sighed. "No, I walked." _God damn it, she's wormed her way into my life again._

"Okay then! You can sit right here until I'm done with my shift!" Anzu patted a chair that was next to her behind the cash register. Yami sighed, set his bag under the counter and sat down.

*** 

_Wednesday, 4:06 P.M._

Yami quickly ran through the door and burst into the kitchen.

"RUN." Yami gasped, leaning against the counter. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"Wha-?" Just as those words escaped Bakura's lips, Anzu skipped into the kitchen.

"Hi, guys!" She chirped. Bakura practically fell over on himself.

"Holy shit!" He cried. Malik simply shrieked and went pale. Anzu walked over to the counter and sat all the ingredients down. Bakura and Malik scurried away and hid behind Yami.

"Oh great, feed _me_ to the wolfs!" Yami hissed. Bakura and Malik shrugged.

"Better you than us." They whispered in unison. Anzu spun around.

"Okay, then!" She started, clasping her hands together. "First, we need a big mixing bowl!"

Bakura shoved Malik away from him. "Go up and distract Aibou while we're down here making the cake. Do everything in your power to keep him in that room. You hear me?" Malik nodded and hurried up the stairs. Anzu tapped her foot impatiently.

"Bowl, please!" She ordered. Bakura jumped up and handed her one.

"Okay, take it. Please, just don't kill me. " Bakura mumbled. Anzu took the bowl and began her 'work.'

*** 

Malik rushed into the room and slammed the door. He breathed a sigh of relief.

_Thank God, I thought I would die if I had to be in the same room as Anzu. _Malik thought to himself. He turned around, and immediately noticed Ryou sitting on his bed, reading a book. Ryou blinked, but didn't say anything.

"Erm, hi." Malik said awkwardly.

"Hello." Ryou replied, equally awkward. Malik shifted his feet. Ryou stayed where he was. There was silence. A lot of silence.

*** 

"…And then you add three cups of milk and mix with an egg beater! Now, who wants to lick the spoon?" Anzu turned around and held out the batter-coated spoon. Yami and Bakura simply sat there, staring at it. Bakura squirmed slightly.

"…Oh, I don't care if it is Anzu, I want that damn spoon!" Bakura exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing the spoon. Anzu smiled.

"Oh, what a good boy!" She squealed, trying to pat him on the head. Bakura growled and scurried to the end of the table with his spoon. Anzu shrugged and turned back to the batter. "Yami, would you get me a pan?"

Yami cringed and got her one. Anzu started pouring the batter into the pan. When it was all in, she held up a spoon with a little batter on it.

"Here, Yami, try it and tell me if it's good." She held it up to him. Yami waved his arms frantically in protest.

"No thanks, I'm good."

*** 

"…And so the girl kept screaming 'Stop hitting meeee! Quit kicking Grandma! Don't do that to my hamster!'" Malik explained, now rambling on for twenty minutes. Ryou suddenly got up and walked to the door. Malik jumped up and ran after him.

"Hey, where are you going?!" He asked frantically. 

"I have to go to the bathroom." Ryou replied, raising his eyebrow. Malik looked around.

"But, you can't go out there yet!" Malik cried, then clamped his hands over his mouth. Ryou glared at him suspiciously before rushing towards the door. Malik grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him away from it.

_If_ _Bakura_ _doesn't_ _kill_ _me_… Malik thought, and crushed his lips against Ryou's. Ryou immediately began pushing Malik off of him, but Malik had no intention of letting go. Just then the door to Ryou's room opened to reveal a _VERY_ pissed off looking Bakura.

"I told you to distract him, not fucking _kiss_ him! No one touches him but me! You here me?! No one! He's my little Hikari, MINE!" Bakura grabbed the nearby lamp and hurled it at Malik. Luckily, Ryou had seen this one coming and dodged the flying object. Unfortunately, Malik did not see this one coming and was impaled by said object.

"Damnit, Yami, that was my favorite lamp!" Ryou's blood was now boiling. He really needed to use the restroom. "If you both don't get the HELL out of my room, I will rip out your skulls with the spinal cord still attached, tie it around your ankles, nail you both to the wall, and SET YOU ON FIRE!" He shoved them both out and stomped off towards the bathroom.

Bakura and Malik stared dumbfounded where Ryou had been standing. "Damnit, Malik, this is all YOUR fault! He's probably in the bathroom throwing up, because of YOUR kiss!"

"Actually, he's probably going pee-HEY! I'm a good kisser! No one throws up when I kiss them." Malik cried.

Bakura shoved Malik up against the wall. "You stole _MY_ Hikari's first kiss!"

"Psh! With a body and face like that? I'm sure he's been kissed plenty of times." Malik replied, pushing him away. 

"WHA?! Are you implying that my Hikari's a man whore?!" Bakura shrieked, horrified.

"That's not what I said."

"Well you know what, Malik? He's not; he's just not! He would never, _willingly_, kiss someone."

"Are you saying he's a prude?" Malik asked, smiling.

Bakura gulped. "No…it's just that…he's waiting for the right…person…yeah"

Malik started grinning evilly. Bakura blushed and ran out of the room, leaving a laughing Malik behind. Bakura rushed into the kitchen. 

"Is it done yet?" He asked impatiently. Anzu turned around.

"Almost! It'll be done when the timer goes off." She stated.

"Good." Bakura practically pushed Anzu out of the door. "Okay, so long, thanks for making the cake, BYE." Bakura slammed the door. Almost at the same time, the timer started ringing. Bakura ran over and stuck his bare hands into the oven and pulled out the cake.

"AHHHHHHH!!!" Bakura screamed, dropping the cake on the counter. He thrust his hands under the faucet and ran the cold water. Yami shook his head.

"Dumbass…" Yami mumbled. Bakura sat down at the table.

"I think it needs to cool." Bakura told Yami. Yami raised his eyebrow.

"Are your hands okay?" He asked. Bakura sat up as straight and dignified as he could.

"They don't even itch." He responded. 

Yami reached over and poked Bakura's palms. He shook his head and laughed when Bakura started to cry loudly. Yami walked over and started to frost the cake. 

"Is there a place to put this?" Yami asked, holding up the finished cake.

"Yeah. There's a refrigerator downstairs in the basement."

Yami nodded and walked toward the basement door.

"Wait, Pharaoh, I'll come with you!" Bakura ran after Yami.

***

_Ahhh…my business… IS DONE. _Ryou sighed, walking out of the bathroom. He immediately caught sight of Malik. Ryou gave him a death glare. Malik smiled weakly.

"I… I was just leaving." Malik explained, and ran out the front door. Ryou walked down the stairs, and entered the kitchen just as Yami and Bakura walked through the door of the basement. Ryou flared up with anger, a look that didn't go unnoticed by the two Egyptians. 

"…And that's my cue to leave." Yami quickly ran out the front door. 

Ryou spun on Bakura. "What were you two doing down in the basement?!"

Bakura started to protest when Ryou gave a little shriek.

"What happened to your hands?!" Ryou rushed forwards and took Bakura's hands gently into his own. Ryou led him to the table. 

"You sit right here and _don't_ _move_." He rushed over to the sink and pulled a First Aid Kit out from the cabinet under it. He sat back at the table.

"You don't really…" Bakura began. He winced slightly when Ryou began to put Neosporin on his hands. When Ryou finished, he wrapped Bakura's hands with a white bandage. 

"…Thanks…" Bakura mumbled. Ryou waved his hand dismissively. 

"It's no problem. You always seem to get hurt in someway." Ryou replied, putting the First Aid Kit back under the sink. Bakura laughed.

"Remember when we went fishing with your dad and I managed to get the fish hook stuck in my mouth?" 

Ryou smiled. "Yeah. You cried like a baby."

"I did not!" Bakura cried, but not very convincing. Ryou laughed. Bakura looked at the ground.

"So…does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?" He asked quietly. Ryou stood solemn for a minute before smiling slightly.

"I guess."

Bakura grinned. "So…I can sleep with you now?" Ryou's eyes opened wide.

"Wha…sleep with me? What do you, uh, mean?" Ryou twiddled his thumbs, his face turning an interesting shade of crimson as his eyes wandered toward the ground.

"I mean, can I sleep in the bed now? The floor is kind of uncomfortable especially when you forget and fall on me in the morning."

Ryou narrowed his eyes. "Oh."

"So, do I get the bed?" Bakura smiled sweetly at his lighter side.

"NO! No bed for you!" Ryou quickly ran up the stairs and slammed the door behind him. 

Bakura just stared blankly at the retreating figure of his Aibou. His gaze wavered to the couch and a frown spread across his face. "Damn."

***  

_Wednesday, 1:04 A.M._

"GOD DAMNIT!" Bakura choked back a scream as he banged his knee against the coffee table. He dropped to the ground, hugging his knee. _Oh man, that is gonna hurt in the morning_. He froze as he thought about this. _What am I talking about? It hurts now!_

He slowly got to his feet and felt his way over to the stairs. _Jeez, I'll never get to sleep. I'm so used to hearing my Aibou right next to me. This house is too damn quiet!_

He slowly ascended the stairs until he felt he was at the top. He reached out until his fingertips touched the wall. He felt his way along until he knew he was right outside of Ryou's door. He paused before going in. _I wonder if he's thinking the same thing._ Ever so slowly, he opened the door to see Ryou fast asleep. His face fell.

He tiptoed over to the bed and slipped through the covers. He wrapped his arms around his light and sighed, instantly falling asleep. Ryou opened his eyes and peeked over at his Yami. He smiled sadly, and curled up closer to him.

"Good night, Yami."

-----------------

(A/N)

Wow, that ending was almost the same as chapter two. But, I think it turned out okay. It sure is…_long_. Longer than I expected it to be. Um, okay, so…yeah. Will Ryou and Bakura make up? Wait, I said that in the last chapter…JEEZ. MUST BE CREATIVE. Anyhoo…I don't know. Find out things in the next chapter. Oh, the things you will find out… It's the party! Wee! But no! That is not the last chapter! For I have a little fifth chapter about after the party! But you're not allowed to know that yet! My brain hurts! I should shut up now!

Chapter Four; "Ryou's Ecstasy! Bakura's Proposal?!" (Yeah, I know, it's the name of a Ruroni Kenshin episode…)

Until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.

(I'm thinking of changing my ending…)


	4. Ryou's Ecstacy, Bakura's Proposal?

Bakura: Master Party Planner from the Stars and _Beyond_!

A Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Author's Notes:

Goddamn it, this story is really starting to piss me off. I have so many others, and much better, stories I could be writing. The reason this chapter took so long was because my computer broke TWO TIMES and I had to get it fixed. Then I got grounded, so I can only type when my parents aren't here! And another thing-! Oh, wait, I'm sorry. They put me on a new medication, and it kind of makes me over react to a lot of things. And cough up blood…Oh well. Enjoy…OR DIE!

Disclaimer: Yes! I own Yu-Gi-Oh! And what a glorious feeling it is! I have a penthouse in New York, a mansion in Malibu, a yacht in Miami, and…_THE RATS! THE RAAAAAAAAATS!!!_

---

"Sometimes I feel like this is only chemistry  /

Stuck in a maze, searching for a way to  /

Shut down, turn around, feel the ground beneath me  /

You're so close, where do you end, where do I begin?" –Savage Garden

"Where are you coming from? What are you running from? Is it so hard to see?  /

 And if you're feeling scared, remember the time we shared  /

 You know it meant everything, you know that it meant everything to me." –Blink 182

--- 

Chapter Four: "Ryou's Ecstasy! Bakura's Proposal?!"

Day Four: Friday, 6:35 A.M.

Ryou groaned and rolled over abruptly, expecting, in his semi-conscious state, that the other half of the bed would be vacant. Almost instantly, his fist connected with something.

"Ow! Somebody hit me!" Bakura complained, holding his nose. He rolled over to see a half-asleep and very disorientated Ryou looking around. "Oh, good morning!" He smiled, instantly awake. Ryou, however, was not so energized. He immediately fell back in the bed. 

Bakura started to shake him, urging him to wake up. Fitfully, Ryou's hand flew up and punched Bakura on the side of his face. Ryou groaned again, this time angrily, and immediately pulled the covers over his head. Bakura frowned. He leaned down as close as he could to Ryou's ear and screamed.

"WAKE UP!" 

Ryou screamed himself and shot up so fast that his and Bakura's foreheads smacked into each other. Bakura fell over the side of the bed. He grumbled angrily and pulled himself back up and faced Ryou, whose eyes were half closed and was looking around confused. 

"Finally! Jeez, you sleep like you're dead!" Bakura exclaimed. "That is, except for the punching part. You have a mean left hook." Bakura rubbed his face. Ryou ran a hand through his disheveled hair, using the other one to rub his eyes.

"What time is it?" He croaked, still looking around disorientated. Bakura looked at the digital clock on the bed stand.

"6:35." Bakura stated, as if it was no problem. Ryou groaned again. "And you need to wake up, my little light."

"But why?" Ryou whined, slamming back down on his pillow.

"Because today is a special day, my Hikari." Bakura smiled. Ryou shuddered and pulled the cover over his head.

Bakura growled and got out of bed. He took one last glance at his sleeping Aibou before walking out of the room. Ryou sighed and settled down into the comfy silence of his pillow. Just as he was drifting off to sleep, there came the unmistakable clatter of pots and pans from down in the kitchen. Ryou stuck a pillow over his ears as the clanking became louder. Then there came a long string of Egyptian curses, then the sound of Bakura screaming. Almost instantly, the scream died down, and Bakura was laughing nervously.

"Oops, false alarm." Bakura's voice called from the kitchen.

_What an idiot_. "Yami, do you need help? I'm coming to help." Ryou swung his legs over the bed, and got ready to stand up. Bakura immediately started yelling.

"Get your ass back in that bed, before I make it MINE!"

Ryou blinked. "Okay…" He crawled back in the bed and pulled the covers up. _Is him owning my ass a good thing or a bad thing?_ As tempting as it sounded, Ryou figured it was a bad thing and decided to stay in the bed until his Yami told him he could get up. After a while, Bakura bounded up the stairs with a big smile on his face. Ryou stared at him from the bed.

"Look, Aibou, I made you breakfast in bed!" Bakura exclaimed. Ryou stared at him some more before looking around.

"Um, where is it?" Ryou asked, dumbfounded. Bakura seemed to freeze before groaning and smacking his forehead.

"Oh Ra, I left it downstairs!" Bakura quickly rushed out. The sound of Bakura's stomping down the stairs grew fainter until Ryou knew he was in the kitchen. There was another loud moan.

"_Oh no, I left the stove on_!" Bakura's voice sounded distressed. There was some fumbling around, and then a loud crash sounded. Then came the ominous sound of Bakura chanting '_no, no, no_…' over and over again. Finally, everything was silent. That was, until there was a loud explosion. Finally, Bakura appeared at the door holding a gigantic plate with food on it. His face was covered with black smoke-smudges, and his hair was wild. Nevertheless, he was smiling.

"Happy anniversary, Aibou!" Bakura exclaimed. Ryou sat still before a smile appeared on his face. HIS Yami had woken up at around 6:30 to make him breakfast. HIS lazy Yami, who seldom got up until two in the afternoon. Bakura quickly jumped up onto the bed and pushed the plate into Ryou's hands, watching while he ate. Ryou looked over at him.

"You want some?" He asked. Bakura immediately pulled out a fork from God-knows-where and began eating with him. Ryou looked closer at his Yami. "You know your hair's on fire?" He asked, noticing that a few strands of Bakura's hair were, indeed, on fire. Bakura seemed to think about this for a moment.

"…I do." Bakura answered, trying to look dignified. Ryou smiled and patted down those pieces of hair, extinguishing them.  

"What's with the sudden hospitality? With you hanging out with Yuugi's Yami these past few days, I thought you had forgotten our anniversary." Ryou said quietly, hoping this wasn't the 'reject Ryou' part of the conversation. 

~Well I thought I'd give you a farewell breakfast, for I am running off with the Pharaoh! Ciao! ~

Ryou's eyes filled with tears. Bakura blinked. Oh shit! I knew I shouldn't have put jalapenos in the eggs! Now his eyes are watering; it's too hot for him! 

Ryou started sobbing and mumbling incoherent things. Bakura was officially confused. What the hell? He's crying? What did I do now?

Tears were now streaming down Ryou face. "Please…please Yami…don't leave me. Don't leave me…for…Yuugi's Yami…" Ryou flung himself at Bakura, wrapping his arms around Bakura's neck. "Please…Yami…I…I…Don't leave me!" 

Ryou was crying frantically now, unable to control his emotions. Bakura was in shock. I'm such an idiot! Unable to do anything else, Bakura patted Ryou's back awkwardly. 

"Silly Light," Bakura smiled. "I'm not leaving you for anyone. You're my Hikari. I lo…care about you." Ryou continued his uncontrolled sobs. Bakura lifted his hand to Ryou's face, and cupped his chin. He leaned forward to lay a kiss on Ryou's forehead when…

The door to Ryou's room swung open. "Hey Ryou! Are you awake…oh…heh…"

"Do you mind? The Hikari and I are having a moment!" Bakura growled, glaring at Ryou's dad with all the hate he could muster. 

Ryou's father smiled hesitantly and closed the door. Ryou sighed and got out of bed, heading out the door after his dad. 

"Where…where are you going?!" Bakura cried.

"It's time to wake up." Ryou stated. Bakura didn't say anything as Ryou walked out of his bedroom.

"…Damn." Bakura groaned and fell back onto the bed.

*** 

Friday, 11:00 A.M.

(RING!)

Bakura reached for the phone, his hands covered with soap from cleaning up the mess he made at breakfast. 

"What?!" He snapped, irritated. 

"Don't get all bitchy with me! If it wasn't for me, you're ass would be in a sling by now!" Yami snapped back. 

"Yeah, well, everything's all about you! Your life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews, and nobody has to plan parties, or put up with teenage hormones, or clean and dust!" Bakura was angry with Yami, now that he realized it was because of him that Ryou had been so mad at him the last couple days.

"Someone's grouchy this morning."

"Yeah, well…" Bakura put a soap-covered hand to his forehead. "I've had a long day."

"…It's only 11:00." Yami stated.

"What do you want?!" Bakura demanded, using a towel to wipe the soap off his forehead.

"What time do you want me to come over to set up the party?" Yami asked. Bakura froze for a moment before giving a girlish shriek. In doing so, he dropped the cordless phone into the dishpan. He stood there for a moment before rushing into the other room and grabbing the other phone.

"Damn it, Pharaoh! I forgot all about that! How am I going to get Ryou out of the house?!" Bakura shrieked.

"Well…" Yami started. "I have an idea, but you're not going to like it. It might traumatize him."

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "I'm desperate."

"Anzu…"

Bakura collapsed into a fit of screams. Ryou came running into the room, a terrified look plastered on his face. "What is it, Yami?"

Bakura stopped rolling immediately and blushed. "Um, it's…OH, MY OVARIES!" He cried, in fake pain. Ryou raised his eyebrow.

"…I'm going into my room." He slowly backed away.

"You do that." Bakura got up and brushed himself off. He picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He whispered into the receiver. 

"Ovaries?" Yami questioned, a smirk crossing his features.

"…Could you have come up with something better?" Bakura sneered.

"This is me we're talking about. Of course I could've come up with something better. Anyways, call up Anzu and ask her to take Ryou out on a date for a few hours."

"Ah! No! He can't date her! I won't let him. He's better off with Yuugi!" Bakura cried, griping the phone tightly. 

Yami frowned. "No one's dating MY Hikari, except for me!"

"…" Bakura was silent for a minute.

"I didn't say anything, Thief." 

"…Sure…" Bakura grinned.

"Call Anzu all ready or I'm not helping." Yami growled.

"Yes…Pharaoh." Bakura pressed flash and began to dial Anzu's number.

"Why is there a phone in the sink?" Ryou's voice came from the kitchen.

"…It was your dad!" Bakura called back. On the other line, the phone clicked.

"Yeeeeeees?" Came the sickening voice. Bakura and Yami both shuddered involuntarily.

"Um, hey Anzu." Bakura stammered. "W-would you consider doing a favor for me?"

"What favor?" Anzu chirped giddily. Bakura held in the urge to scream.

"Get Ryou out of the house while the Pharaoh and I get the party ready."

"Um, I don't know…I don't like going out on dates with someone more girlish than I am…" Anzu began.

Bakura frowned. I like his girlishness… "I'll do anything." Bakura stated.

"Hmmm…fine, but only if I can get a date with Yami!" Anzu squealed. Yami started to protest, but Bakura answered for him.

"Deal. Now, make sure you take him someplace nice. I will kill you if you don't treat him nicely. KILL YOU!" Bakura grabbed the phone as if to strangle it.

"Well I guess I could take him to a movie." Anzu thought for a minute. (Emphasis on a minute. There can't be much brainpower in her bubbly head.) 

"No rated R movies! He has virgin eyes and ears. Oh and not too many sweets, he doesn't need cavities, but you better buy him some sweets. Don't be a cheap date!" Bakura went on and on, listing all the things Anzu could and could not do with his hikari. "And NO touching, especially kissing! If there is one mark on his pure body, you are so dead!"

Yami was completely out of it. He checked out long ago. When he heard the deal about his date with Anzu, Yami collapsed in a heap of…dead stuff.

Anzu giggled to herself. "I'm touched that you are worrying about Ryou taking advantage of me, but really, there is no cause for concern. I know Ryou has a thing for me, but surely he wouldn't do something like that. I do think it's cute you think of me that way, but my heart belongs to another; my dark prince…"

Bakura raised an eyebrow. Does she honestly think that Ryou or I…? "Are you just hearing what you want to hear?"

"Aww, I love you too, Bakura! Just not in that way." Anzu answered. Bakura shuddered.

"Just be ready in an hour!" He yelled.

"Okay! Byyyyyye!" Anzu giggled once more before hanging up. Yami groaned loudly before hanging up also. Bakura shrugged and put the phone back on its handle. He walked into the living room, where Ryou sat on the couch using a hair dryer to dry the phone off. 

"Aibou, what are you doing?!" Bakura screamed with fake distress. "Aren't you supposed to get ready for your date with Anzu?!"

Ryou raised his eyebrow. "What date?" He asked, turning the phone over.

"Don't you remember?"

Ryou shook his head skeptically. "No, I don't."

"Oh you must have made the date during one of your black outs." Bakura stated matter-of-factly.

"Black outs? Do I usually black out?" Ryou asked, scratching his head.

"All the time. You probably don't remember because, well, you're blacked out."

"I guess that's possible…" Ryou mumbled, looking as if it was making sense to him. "But I want to spend the day with you."

"I want to spend the day with you, too, but you know how Anzu is." Bakura smiled at his light. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I wouldn't want her mad at me." Bakura nodded his head.

"Yes, now hurry up and leave." Bakura began to push Ryou to the door.

"But I have to get ready!" Ryou broke away from him and started for the bathroom.

"No you don't!" Bakura cried, damned if his Aibou was going to dress up for Anzu.

"At least let me take a shower." Ryou asked, in a rather pleading voice.

Bakura sighed. "All right."

Ryou walked up stairs to the bathroom, and opened the door. He opened up the cabinets and grabbed a towel. Ryou turned the knobs on the faucet, and began to undress. I sure don't want to go on a date with Anzu, but a date's a date. I just want to spend time with Yami.

Ryou opened the shower door and stepped in, letting the hot water wash away his Anzu troubles. Thoroughly soaking himself, he reached for the shampoo just as the shower door opened to reveal Bakura.

"Yami!" Ryou blushed, creating a whole new shade of red. "What the Hell?!"

"Don't say bad words, Hikari, or I'll have to come in there and wash your mouth out." Bakura smiled. Ryou blinked at Bakura, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

"What do you want?!" Ryou finally screamed.

"Don't use the smelly shampoo; I don't want Anzu smelling you." Bakura reached out and grabbed the smelly shampoo out of   
Ryou's hand and replaced it with the non-smelly shampoo.

Ryou flushed at his Yami's disregard of his personal privacy. "Do you, uh, mind?" Ryou asked, trying to look modest. Bakura blinked, and then waved his hand dismissively.

"Relax, I'm not looking at you."

Ryou stood there, and then looked down shyly. "Why…why not?"

Bakura stared at his reddened Aibou, as his light realized what he said. Bakura laughed and closed the door. Ryou looked down at the non-smelly shampoo and grimaced, "I don't like this shampoo."

***

Friday, 12:04 P.M.

A now fully clothed Ryou stood in front of his bedroom mirror and was blow-drying his hair. Bakura walked into the room and sniffed the air.

"I smell something good." Bakura started walking around the bathroom, looking for this 'good' smell. He stopped in front of Ryou. He then began to sniff Ryou's hair.

"You used the smelly shampoo; didn't you?"

Ryou lowered his head. "Yes."

Bakura twitched, "Didn't I tell you not to? Anzu is going to be all over you now. The smell is irresistible." Bakura stated, still smelling Ryou's hair.

Ryou shooed Bakura away, "So, it's not like I like her or anything. So what does it matter?"

Bakura shrugged, "I guess it doesn't." He paused and looked at Ryou. "You're not wearing that, are you?!" He half-shrieked. 

"What?" Ryou looked down at his dark blue shirt and jean pants.

"You're showing skin!" Bakura shrieked again.

"What?"

Bakura grabbed Ryou's arm and pointed. "Look! Skin!" Ryou snatched his arm away as Bakura began to pull clothes out of Ryou's closet. He finally found what he was looking for and began to pull up Ryou's shirt.

"Hey!" Ryou cried. "I can dress myself!" He pushed Bakura away and looked at the clothes he selected, which consisted of a long sleeved, black turtleneck sweater, and black pants.

"I'm not wearing that! It's too hot for long sleeves, and turtle necks are so…gay!" Ryou protested.

"I don't care what you think, you'll wear what I tell you to wear or you'll…you'll…get it!" Bakura stumbled, not knowing what threat would apply in this situation.

"That was lame…" Ryou started to say, but Bakura had already dismissed it and was striping off Ryou's clothes. Ryou tried to push him off but Bakura was already pulling on the turtleneck.

"And now for the pants…" Bakura reached for the button.

"What the Hell!" Ryou screeched. "If you so much as touch anything below the belt, without my permission, I'll break the ring! I swear it!" Bakura looked up and Ryou in awe.

"Well Mr. 'I Need Permission', can I take off your pants?"

Ryou began fidgeting and poking at his fingers. "…NO!" Ryou shoved Bakura and ran into the bathroom with his pants.

Spaz…Bakura thought, shaking his head. Bakura smirked, "It's not like I haven't seen it before!" He called out to Ryou in the bathroom. The bathroom door immediately swung open to reveal a rather flushed and angry Ryou.

"YOU WHAT?!" Ryou glared daggers at Bakura. Bakura slowly backed up.

"I mean, our bodies are identical so in a way I have seen…it." Bakura awaited the inevitable blow. It never came. He looked up at Ryou.

"I never thought of it that way…" Ryou said, scratching his head. "Still," Ryou smacked Bakura on the head, "…don't be a pervert!" Ryou walked out of the bathroom and walked down the stairs, with Bakura at his heels. Bakura stopped him at the door.

"So, are you going to be okay? You need some money?" Bakura asked. Ryou shook his head.

"No. How about you? Need some money?" He asked. Bakura smiled.

"Aww, that is so sweet, you trying to take care of me-well, yeah, I might want to get a hotdog later…" Bakura stated. Ryou pulled out his wallet and began shuffling through it, pulling out a few one-dollar bills. "No, just give me the five…" Bakura told him. Ryou handed it to him and walked out the door. Bakura entered the kitchen and stopped.

"Where the Hell is the phone?!" He complained. He walked over to the sink and tried to look in it, but couldn't see anything because of the soapy water. He groaned heavily. "I can't see anything! Damn it, I guess I have to wash them!" He groaned again and began to wash the dishes. When almost all of the dishes were done, he stuck his hand back into the dishpan and pulled out a large butcher's knife. He paused for a moment then smiled.

"Hey! I was wondering where that's been! I better take this with me, in case the Pharaoh gets fresh." He thought about this. "Then again…" He put the knife down. "The Pharaoh has fast reflects." He suddenly grinned gleefully and pulled out a gun from God-knows-where. 

"Now, I know the Pharaoh doesn't have fast enough reflects for this!" He began to put it in his pocket, and then hesitated. "Oh, then I'd get blood on my clothes." Bakura put then gun back onto the counter, then realized something. He grinned evilly. "Wait, these aren't even my clothes!" He paused again, and then put the gun into the cabinet. "They're Ryou's. Ryou hates when I get blood on his clothes. Ah…" Bakura smirked. "That takes me back to the days when I used to beat the kid. Ah, memories. Those were some fun times." Bakura thought for a moment. "How come I don't beat him up any more?" He shrugged to himself. Bakura used his hand to feel around on the bottom of the sink. When he didn't feel the phone, he sighed and looked at all his finished dishes. "All that work for nothing." He picked up the stack of clean dishes and dumped them back into the sink.

Bakura sighed and pulled on his jacket. Although he didn't want to, he had to go to Yuugi and Yami's house. Without a phone, he couldn't call the Pharaoh and tell him to come over. He stepped outside and immediately felt the Sun's blaze on him. Bakura drew back and held a hand over his eyes until he could see. 

"Damn, I shouldn't have made Ryou wear that turtle neck. He's going to over-heat, or something." Bakura walked over to the garage and opened it. He moaned when he saw that Ryou had taken the new car. Since they had left their old station wagon on the side of the road, Ryou's dad had bought a brand new car and Ryou drove it every chance he got, even though he only had a learner's permit. Bakura looked off to the road and sighed. He took off his jacket, tied it around his waist and began the long trek to the Pharaoh's house.

*** 

Friday, 1:35 P.M.

Bakura burst through the doors of Yuugi's house, screaming his head off. He bombarded up the stairs and banged open the door to Yami's bedroom, to see Yami lying in bed. With a gigantic leap, he cleared the space between the door and the bed and dove under the covers with Yami.

"Pharaoh! Thank Ra you're here! I was walking, and this lady with a poodle was on the other side of the street, and the poodle kept staring at me! I tell you, that dog knew things about me!" Bakura rambled on. Yami raised his eyebrow; afraid to find out what kind of things the poodle 'knew' about Bakura.

"…And then there was this squirrel! And it began to chase me! And finally I lost it, but then I saw the mailman! I tell you, that guy had a .38 pistol hidden between the Life Magazine and a Shonen Jump Weekly subscription! I tell you, this world's a scary place when your Aibou isn't there-," Bakura suddenly froze and raised his eyebrow. He looked under the covers. "Ewww, Pharaoh! Put some clothes on!" He shrieked. Yami looked surprised and looked under the covers too.

"I thought I did have clothes on…" Yami replied, scratching his head. He suddenly seemed to get an idea, and his head jerked around to Yuugi. "Aibou…" He growled accusingly. Yuugi smiled and put his hands over his mouth in fake surprise.

"I have no idea what happened." Yuugi said in his most innocent voice. Yami sighed and turned to Bakura.

"Do you think you can leave for a minute so I can get dressed?"

Bakura shrugged and jumped out of Yami's bed, he gave one last glance at the two, and grinned. Yami threw a pillow at him as Bakura ran out the door.

***

Ryou and Anzu stood outside the ticket booth of the theater. "Which movie are we seeing?" Ryou asked, scratching his head. He was still trying to figure out what he was doing here and when he agreed to go out with her.

Anzu surveyed the list of available movie titles, and chose the longest movie possible, giving Yami and Bakura as much time as possible. "Umm, how about Lord of the Rings?" She said, with a fake smile. To her, Ryou was no substitute for her true love, Yami.

"But I've already seen that movie." Ryou frowned, he would really rather be at home right now.

"So, it's Lord of the Rings! You have to see it ten times!" Anzu was really starting to get into this. She had seen it nine times and was ready for her tenth viewing of the movie.

"But it's THREE hours. I want to be with my Yami." This was really starting to piss Ryou off. Not only did he have to go on a date with the biggest slut in Domino ON HIS ANNIVERSERY, but also, he had to watch a three hour movie that he had already seen…TWICE.

Anzu obviously didn't notice Ryou's displeasure; she had already bought the tickets and was grabbing his arm to pull him into the theater.

***

Friday, 2:41 P.M.

Bakura smiled evilly at the balloon that he had just blown up. He wasn't about to tie the balloon off; he had much bigger plans. Yami was inflating his share of balloons when Bakura snuck up behind him and released the air of his balloon into Yami's ear.

"EHHH!!!!" Yami jumped nearly three feet in the air, startled by Bakura's little air trick. Bakura rolled over, laughing. 

"Oh, Pharaoh, you should have seen your face. You were afraid, you, the Pharaoh, afraid of a little air!" Bakura was grabbing his sides and trying to control himself to no avail.

Yami growled and began blowing up his balloons, mumbling something about stupid thieves and damn air. Yami smiled and stood up. "I'll be right back; I have to go…to the kitchen." He walked out to said room, taking his balloons with him.

Bakura raised an eyebrow. Can he be that stupid? I'm so not going to fall for the 'I'm going into the kitchen, but when you're not watching, I'll sneak up on you and release air in your ear.' That is so overused.

Bakura continued to blow air into his balloons, all the while, keeping a close eye on his back. Yami was no fool. He had no intension of releasing air into the Thief's ear; he had much bigger plans. Yami turned on the kitchen faucet and began to fill his ordinary balloons into super water balloons. The Thief would pay. He slowly crept up behind Bakura until he was at his side. The stupid Thief was looking in the opposite direction. Yami smiled evilly.

"Take your medicine like a man." Yami whispered in Bakura's ear and, before Bakura had the chance to respond, Yami slammed a water balloon over his head. Bakura jerked his head around, his hair plastered to his face. He looked royally pissed. 

"I hope you know, this means war." Bakura warned Yami. Yami smirked.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

*** 

Friday, 4:57 P.M.

"Cobra to base; Cobra to base, over! Do you copy?" Bakura whispered loudly into his hand. The two Yami's had moved around the furniture in Bakura's house, so now the living room was divided into two separate regions. The two couches were turned over onto their sides, with numerous chairs and pillows around them, creating little forts. Bakura peeked around the corner of his fort and made the unmistakable sounds of a cracking radio.

"Uh, roger that, Cobra." Bakura mimicked. Yami's head poked up from inside his fort, revealing that the great Pharaoh was wearing a toy army hat.

"I thought I was Cobra!" he shouted. 

"No, I'm Cobra." Bakura explained. Yami looked confused.

"Then, who am I?" Yami asked.

"You're Dinah." Bakura stated.

"What?! Why can't I have a cool name like Cobra?" Yami whined.

"Because you're Dinah." Bakura explained slowly. Yami frowned.

"I'm not Dinah! From now on, my name's Panther!" Yami yelled. Bakura shrugged.

"Fine. Whatever. Now, are we playing or what?" Yami smiled and reached for the ammo. He hurled a water balloon at Bakura's fortress, barely missing his head.

"ENGAGE BATTLE!" Bakura cried out, ducking into his fortress for cover. Yami kept up the assault, and soon Bakura screamed.

"Mayday, mayday, SOS! Man down, man down!" Bakura called out to his imaginary radio. He collapsed onto the ground, clutching his soaked chest.

Yami smiled. "I'm going in." He made a flying leap over his stronghold and closed the gap between his fort and enemy territory. He then jumped over Bakura's couch and onto the fallen soldier. Just then, the front door open and Malik stepped in.

"Are you playing Army without me?" Malik cried, seeing the two Yami's in army hats, wrestling on the ground. "Who's winning?"

Yami raised his hand. "I am." Malik grinned. "Then I'm on your team!" Malik then jumped right on top of Yami and Bakura, causing a string of Egyptian curses to escape the Thief's lips.

"Oh Dinah, you're crushing my…"

"Thief!"

"…Pocket."

Yami pushed Malik off and climbed off of Bakura. "I thought I told you to stop calling me Dinah?"

"But it suits you!" Bakura cried in protest. Malik smiled. 

"Who am I?"

"You can be Panther." Bakura said.

"But I'm Panther!" Yami screamed.

"No, Malik already called Panther, Dinah. You can't be both."

"But I don't want to be Dinah!"

"Well you should have thought of that before." Bakura stated.

*** 

Friday, 5:23 P.M.

"Wow, wasn't that movie just great?" Anzu squealed as they stepped out of the movie theatre. 

"No." Ryou grumbled. Anzu squealed again.

"I know! I loved it!" She looked around. "Where should we go next?"

"Home."

"Starbucks it is!" Anzu smiled, grabbing Ryou's arm and leading him down the street.

"But I don't like coffee!" Ryou protested.

"Then get a Starbucks water!"

"Starbucks has water?"

"Oh, yeah! Coffee flavored water!"

"Then that just defeats the whole purpose of getting a water in the first place…" Ryou muttered. Anzu disregarded his protest and dragged him into the nearest Starbucks.

*** 

"DAMAGE REPORT! DAMAGE REPORT!" Bakura screamed, racing down the hallway with Yami and Malik in hot pursuit. Bakura quickly jumped into his and Ryou's room and locked the door. Yami and Malik hurled themselves against it.

"Damn it, Thief! Quite being a wuss and get your ass out here!" Yami shouted, banging his fist on the door. The door was suddenly jerked open and Bakura ran at them, bearing a Super Soaker. 

"RETREAT!" Yami and Malik screamed as Bakura began to spray them. They rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Yami ran over to the sink, pulled the little hose out and faced Bakura.

"Ha ha! I have you beat now, Thief!" Yami snickered. Bakura smirked and stepped back a few feet and held up his Super Soaker.

"I know this house better than you do, and I know that this Super Soaker has a farther range and that dinky little hose."

"…RETREAT!" Yami screamed. Malik shrieked and ran after Yami. They ran around in circles from the kitchen to the living room before a thought crossed Yami's spiky head. Just as he passed the refrigerator, he turned around and slammed the freezer door into Bakura's face. Bakura fell to the ground, his eyes staring fuzzily up at the ceiling. Yami stood over him and smirked.

"How does it feel to be defeated, Thief?" he asked slyly.

"Ask me when my vision comes back, and the ringing in my head stops." Bakura groaned. 

"Quick, disarm the Enemy! Take his Super Soaker!" Malik shouted to Yami. Yami smirked again and grabbed the Super Soaker from Bakura's hand.

"I'd stop you, but I can't feel my legs." Bakura gave another moan before closing his eyes. Malik smiled down at him.

"Awww, he's unconscious. QUICK! SEARCH HIS POCKETS!" Malik yelled. Bakura opened one of his eyes.

"I'm not out yet."

"…SEARCH 'EM ANYWAYS!" Yami and Malik began happily emptying Bakura's pockets.

*** 

Friday, 6:07 P.M.

"…So then, Yami looked at me! And I was all 'Oh my GOD!' and he was sooooo in love with me…" Anzu rambled on for now half and hour. Ryou sighed and tapped the edge of his coffee cup. 

"And he's like, 'hey Anzu', and I'm like, 'he spoke to me'! Then I got Bakura to set me up on a date with Yami if I got you out of the house. I'm like, 'date with Yami'!" Anzu was ecstatic, not realizing she had 'spilled the beans'.

"Hold on a second, backtrack. What did you say?" Ryou asked, not sure if he heard correct.

"I have a date with Yami." Anzu smiled. Ryou shook his head. 

"Farther back."

"Oh, umm, the deal with Baku…oh…nothing." Anzu suddenly clamped up. Ryou was a little agitated. 

"Tell me! NOW!" He slammed down his water. Anzu smiled nervously. He's going to kill me. Oh well, as long as this doesn't hinder my date with Yami. 

"Um Bakura wanted you out of the house so he could…" Can't tell him about the party… "…Spend time alone with…with…Yami!" Anzu immediately knew she made a mistake. "Oops."

Ryou was furious. His Yami had lied about being with the Pharaoh. Of all days, Bakura ditches him for the PHARAOH! Ryou grabbed his water and hurled it at the nearby waiter.

"Ack! It burns!" The waiter screamed, falling on the ground, twitching obviously from the fact that the Starbucks employee was now highly sensitive to everything but Starbucks coffee. Ryou stormed out of the Starbucks like as Bat Out of Hell who's boyfriend was cheating on him. Well, not really boyfriend, but the principle was still the same. Plants withered and children screamed as Ryou ran by. Anzu grabbed her cell phone and called for help.

*** 

(RING!)

"Hello?" Yami whispered from his hiding place under the table. 

"Yami! Bad news! Ryou knows what's going on, and he's not happy!" Anzu practically screamed. Yami's eyes bugged out.

"HOLY SHIT!" Yami quickly hung up the phone and screamed to Bakura. "BAKURA! BAKURA!" Bakura poked his head in, now wearing camouflage with war paint on his face.

"Yes?"

"That was just Anzu-," Yami started. Bakura immediately started screaming. Yami shook his head. "No, that's not the worst part! She said that Ryou's on his way home, and he's angry!" Bakura immediately went a few shades paler, and his eyes glazed over.

"Oh, Pharaoh. We are in big trouble, this time." Bakura groaned, looking like he was going to throw up. Yami gripped Bakura's shoulders and shook him roughly.

"Snap out of it, Thief! If you want this party to go off without a hitch, than you better get a hold of yourself!" Bakura shook his head suddenly and stood up.

"You're right, Pharaoh!" Bakura stated.

"Of course I am. Now, get over to that phone and call everyone Ryou knows, while Malik and I get the party stuff ready." Yami turned around to see Malik sneaking out the door. "Damn it, Malik, get your ass back in here!"

"Fine, fine, jeez." Malik frowned, stepping back in and shutting the door. Bakura picked up the phone and started dialing numbers. Yami grabbed the party favors and started to throw them in various places while Malik ran into the basement to get the cake.

Bakura dialed Kaiba's cell phone first. "What?" Kaiba's voice called through the phone.

"Kaiba!" Bakura yelled. "You are coming to Ryou's party!"

"Who the Hell is Ryou?" Kaiba asked.

"The little, white haired, cherubic boy."

"…THAT'S A BOY?!" Kaiba shrieked. "Whoa! I always though it was girl; I was working up the nerve to ask her out. Hey, if he's a guy, that's even better."

Bakura clenched his fists. "Well you're not asking him out, and you are coming to the party."

"I'd rather not. I'm busy."

"Go suck a briefcase, money bags!" Bakura slammed down the phone on the receiver. Yami sighed.

"Give me the phone." Bakura shrugged and handed over the phone. Yami called Kaiba back and Bakura began to hang the party favors.

"Oh my God, what do you want?" Kaiba answered the phone, again. Yami held back his pride and faked a pleasant sounding voice.

"Hello, Kaiba, it's Yami."

"Should I bow to you?" Kaiba snickered. Yami frowned.

"Enough, Kaiba. I didn't call to put up with your shit. I just need you to come to Ryou's party." 

"I said I was busy." Kaiba was about to hang up when Yami pleaded with him.

"Please, Kaiba. I'll do anything." Yami lowered his head in defeat.

Kaiba smiled, "Anything?" 

"Anything."

"Duel me." Yami raised an eyebrow. 

"That's it?" Yami couldn't believe it; this would be so easy. "All right, Kaiba." Yami then hung up the phone.

Bakura had managed to tie himself in knots with the party strings. Yami shook his head and helped Bakura untie himself. Malik came in, having finished setting up the kitchen.

"What can I do now?" He asked. Yami looked over at the phone.

"You can call everyone else for us." Malik nodded his head and grabbed the phone.

***

Friday, 6:45 P.M.

Ryou was standing right outside his door. He was preparing for what he would see, and say. 

He's probably making out with that no good, home wrecking, Pharaoh! He promised me he wasn't with the Pharaoh. True, he's not with me but a promise is a promise and he broke his! I think I'll kill the Pharaoh first. He has the eye of Horus, but surely, he won't use it on one so innocent. I love my face. He'll never see it coming and then, BAM! I'll rip him in two. Then of course there is my dear Yami. His death will be slow and painful. I think I'll cut open his head, take a piece of his brain and cook it. Then I will feed it to him. Heh, I saw that on Hannibal.

Ryou turned the knob and pushed the door open. The house was pitch black. They're probably making out on the couch. He stepped in and shut the door.

Bakura could feel his Hikari's anger flood through their link, but he remained calm. He didn't want to ruin the surprise by giving away his position from behind the couch.

All of a sudden the light flickered on and everyone jumped up, yelling, "SURPRISE! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!" Ryou stood dumbfounded at the group of friends smiling at him. Forgetting his ill intensions, Ryou screamed like the girl Seto thought he was, and lunged at his Yami. Bakura toppled over, Ryou in his arms and a smiled plastered across his face.

Ryou looked up at his Yami. "You through me a party? This whole time, hanging out with Yuugi's Yami was all for me?" Bakura nodded his head.

"Yep."

"Oh I almost forgot!" Ryou smiled and ran upstairs. Within a few seconds, he was back downstairs with a gift wrapped in silver, shiny paper. Bakura eyed it with interest.

"This is for you." Ryou smiled, handing the gift to his Yami. Bakura unwrapped the gift and opened the box. Inside was a pen. 

"A pen?" Bakura raised an eyebrow. Ryou shook his head.

"Not just any pen. It's a pen with a clock on it. Then when you're writing, you'll look down and say, 'Whoa! Time to hang out with Ryou!'"

Bakura's eyes almost bulged out of his head. He could no longer contain his joy. He was going to burst. Bakura let out a squeal of joy and hugged Ryou. He then ran over to the Pharaoh to show of his new 'time telling' pen. The Pharaoh was uninterested, as usual, but reminded Bakura that he, too, had a gift for Ryou. Bakura smiled and ran behind the couch to get it. He was about to just hand the ring to Ryou, when Yami stopped him.

"Hey, you can't just give him that." Bakura blinked.

"Why not?"

"I haven't told you how to give it to him." Yami gave him the 'I'm superior' look.

"There is a special way to give him the ring?" Bakura gave him the 'you can stick your superiority up your ass' look.

Yami rolled his eyes. "Yes there is. First you have to get on one knee and then you ask him to marry you."

Bakura looked confused. "Why do I get on one knee and what does 'marry you' mean?"

"Don't worry about it. I bought a ring for my Aibou and I said the same thing." This seemed to have reassured Bakura because he took the ring and went to find his Aibou.

***

Yuugi could feel his Yami smiling and walked over to see what was so funny. He couldn't believe the sight before him. Bakura was getting down on one knee in front of Ryou. Ryou looked slightly confused by his Yami's actions. Bakura surprised everyone in the room by what he did next, everyone except Yami that is. Bakura pulled out a diamond ring and slipped it onto Ryou left, ring finger. Yuugi couldn't figure out what was keeping Ryou standing. The sheer weight of that rock was enough to topple the Eiffel Tower. Only Seto could afford something like that. Something gave Yuugi the sneaking suspicion that Seto did indeed pay for the ring. Of course, unless Bakura was back to his old, and I mean OLD, thieving ways. 

***

"Will you marry me, Aibou?" Bakura looked up at Ryou, seeing the shocked expression across his face. This is a hell of a gift! 

Ryou couldn't believe it. Hell, he wouldn't believe it! If this was some joke, it wasn't funny. But the look in his Yami's eyes…

"Um, I, um…" Ryou stuttered with his words. He wasn't sure if he was ready for this kind of commitment. "I don't, I think it's, it's just too sudden, Yami. I mean, I, you, I'm just not ready for marriage."

Bakura was getting impatient. What the Hell was this moron going on about? You take the ring, you thank me, you give me hugs, give me kisses, give me cookies, STOP TALKING…

"What the Hell are you talking about?" Bakura growled, obviously pissed about not getting the response he wanted.

Ryou blinked, "You asked me to marry you!"

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, RYOU?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?" Bakura screamed. Damn his lack of modern terms!

Ryou looked confused, "You asked me to marry you and you don't know what that means? It's a commitment. If you love someone, you make it known and legit through marriage."

Bakura thought for a second, "You mean I asked you to be my partner, in more ways than you already are?"

"Yes." Ryou laughed at his Yami's stupidity.

"…But the Pharaoh…THE PHARAOH!" Yami smiled, nervously as Bakura came running up to him at full speed. He grabbed Yami by his shirt and lifted him up. 

"You said you bought one for your Aibou, too!" Bakura growled.

"I did." Yami gave him an annoyed look.

Yuugi walked up to Bakura and held out his left, ring finger. "We're getting married in the fall."

Bakura gave them a disgusted look and dropped the Pharaoh. Ryou was laughing his ass off. Bakura frowned.

"You're laughing at me, Aibou?" Bakura gave him the death glare. Ryou was still laughing. 

"Sorry, Yami, but I'll have to decline your offer. I'm just not ready for marriage, but ask me in a few years and you never know." Ryou smiled, "But I'll keep the ring anyways."

"Hey," came Seto's voice. "Has anybody seen my credit card?"

-----------------

(A/N)

Oy, I've just about had it up to here with this story. I apologize about the corny kissy-kissy moments in here. I absolutely despise mushy crap, especially writing about them. DAMN YOU, WORLD! YOU'VE TURNED ME SOFT! But, I promise to redeem myself with this skit.

Bakura: (walks in a smacks Ryou over his head)

Ryou: OW! What was that for?!

Bakura: Oh, this and that.

Woo, that felt good. Stay tuned for the Epilogue, kiddos. 

Until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.


	5. Epilogue

Bakura: Master Party Planner from the Stars and _Beyond_!

A Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Author's Notes:

Hello, happy freakin' holidays. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, uhh…Kwazy Kwanzaa, Spiffy Solace, and…well, that's it. Oh, Happy 'Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers' premier! I just saw it, and now I'm thinking that I like Legolas more than Bakura and Ryou…but, that can't be possible, can it? CAN IT?!

Disclaimer: Duel Monster Booster Packs; $3.99.

                 Bakura Poster; $3.99

                 Uhh, Another Bakura Poster; $3.99 Also.

                 The Simple Fact That I Don't Own Yu-Gi-Oh; Priceless.

                 For Everything Else, There's MasterCard. 

                …Which I Also Don't Own.

--- 

"Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything  /

But, I'd go through Hell for you  /

And, I haven't been this scared in a long time  /

And I'm so unprepared, so here's your Valentine  /

Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody  /

This world's an ugly place  /

But you're so beautiful to me." –Blink 182

--- 

Epilogue

"Okay, Pharaoh, let's start that drinking contest you promised me." Bakura said, sitting crossed-legged on the floor next to the coffee table. Ryou gave the 'this-is-the-end-of-the-humane-world-as-we-know-it' look and put his head in his hands, sighing heavily. 

Yami smirked and sat across from him. "You never forget anything, do you Thief?"

"Hey, if it gives me a reason to get wasted, I won't forget it." Bakura stated. He turned around. "Aibou, where does your dad keep the hard liquor?" 

"Oh, um…my dad…he…he doesn't keep liquor. Yeah, that's it." Ryou replied, looking slightly hopeful. Maybe if they couldn't _find_ liquor, they wouldn't go through with the drinking contest. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"But your dad has a complete bar in his study."

Ryou looked at him. "But…if you knew that, then why did you ask me?"

"Because I like to see you squirm. Hey, servant-boy," Bakura motioned to Jounouchi, "bring us a bottle of everything." 

Jounouchi frowned. "But, I don't even know where the study is. Why don't you just ask Ryou to get them?"

Bakura jumped up and advanced towards him, grabbing the collar of his shirt.

"_Because_, I don't want Ryou to even _look_ at liquor until he's thirty." Bakura dropped him. "And even then, it's only going to be champagne in little shot glasses." Ryou made a face.

"Actually, I really don't like champagne. It's got a bold flavor, but not enough substance. I prefer tequila." Everyone simply stared at him. Ryou blinked. "I mean…uh…what's liquor?" Everyone nodded, immediately forgetting Ryou's outburst. Ryou sighed with relief. _And they're still none the wiser_… He said, smiling to himself.

"Anyhoo, come on, servant boy. We aren't getting any younger here." Bakura ordered. Jounouchi frowned but left. Bakura turned to Yami. "Actually, the joke's on him, because technically we aren't getting any older either." Yami stared at him as if he were the dumbest person on the face of this earth. Bakura began to explain. "You see, it's funny because we're spirits-,"

"Yeah, I know." Yami responded sounding irritated. Just then, Jounouchi walked in with his arms loaded with everything from Brandy to Arbor Mist. Bakura frowned.

"_Arbor Mist_? What the Hell are we, Canadian?" Bakura snorted. Yami shook his head.

"You see, that joke wasn't really funny, because Canadians' don't drink Arbor Mist specifically." He explained.

"Oh. I just thought that when someone mentioned 'Canada' everyone laughed."

"They usually do." Yuugi stated.

"Speaking of Maple Syrup, can we start this drinking game already?" Bakura asked. Yami raised his eyebrow.

"But, we weren't talking about Maple Syrup. And what the Hell does Maple Syrup have to do with a drinking game?"

Bakura stared at him. "…Well, if you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you…" Bakura sounded irritated. Yami turned around and looked questionably at Ryou. Ryou shook his head.

"That's his answer to everything." He explained. Yami nodded and turned back to Bakura.

"Okay, Thief. Let's start." 

"All right, Pharaoh, now you're talking." Yami began to pour their first round of drinks when Bakura interrupted.

"-And none of your Royal Highness drinking shit. No picking up your glass like it carries a disease only you tight-asses get. Absolutely no small sipping of your drink. I'll be damned if I drink myself into a comma in the time you've finished your first drink."

Yami, by now, had finished pouring the drinks and was getting very impatient, waiting for the Bakura to shut up. "Are you done, yet? I'd like to out drink you now."

Bakura smirked and grabbed his drink.

***

Fifty or so drinks later; Ryou was surprised to see the Yamis still going. He was even more surprised to see Yuugi's Yami looked as if he hadn't had a single drink. He had the same cool, confident expression on his face that he had when he started this contest. His Yami had long since been a little tipsy. Bakura was mumbling incoherent things about stuck up, sexy Pharaohs and annoying as Hell cheerleaders.

"Yami, don't you think you've had enough to drink?" Ryou pleaded with Bakura. Bakura smiled and took another shot.

"I ain't have won me drink yet! Damn Pharaoh an' that smile 'er his." He stared at Ryou and smiled. "Hey! You a pretty girl." Bakura ran his hand down Ryou's face.

Ryou frowned. "I'm not a girl."

"I've been sleeping with a MAN?!" Bakura shrieked.

Everyone looked at Ryou. "He means sleeping in the same bed as me." Ryou explained. 

This seemed to calm everyone down until Bakura cut in. "No, I means a little hanky-panky!" Bakura then started growling and pawing at Ryou, who looked away, annoyed. 

"Yami, are you _drunk_ yet?" Anzu asked impatiently. She had been waiting for the perfect chance for Yami to be drunk enough so she could hit on him. Yami paid no heed to her and finished off another shot. She rose to her feet, brushed herself off and sat next to him. She then began playing with his hair and purring in his ear. Suddenly, Yami got a disgusted looked on his face, like he was about to throw up, but not from the liquor. He turned until he faced Anzu and spit the rest of his drink in her face.

"Oh…um…you spilled your drink, Yami!" Anzu said cheerfully, pouring him another one. Yami shuddered, but quickly finished the shot.

"Okay, how about we make this contest more interesting?" Jounouchi exclaimed. "I bet ten bucks that Yami wins."

"Twenty on Yami." Honda replied.

"Who the Hell are you?!" Bakura slurred, looking at Honda like he had never seen him before.

"Honda." He answered. 

"Oh yeah, you're the bastard that hit me in the neck and threw the Ring in the forest!" Bakura realized. Honda looked around nervously.

"Oh, no, that was that…guy." Honda stammered.

"Oh, yeah, I remember him. Man, that guy was such a _dick_." Bakura exclaimed, taking another shot. 

"Anyway, I say _fifty_ that my Yami will win against Bakura." Yuugi said, slapping down a wad of bills. 

"I don't know, Bakura can get pretty competitive when he's drinking." Ryou stated. Then he thought about that for a minute. "Ah, who am I kidding?" Ryou put down ten dollars in Yami's favor.

"Well, I put down _one_ _million_ for me!" Yami Malik exclaimed, dumping an entire bottle of tequila on himself.

"Yami, don't touch that stuff!" Malik screeched.

"Look! I'm Christian Slater!" Y. Malik squealed, dancing around the entire room. He suddenly stopped and jumped on the couch next to Ryou. Ryou glanced nervously at him.

"Erm, hello." Ryou said slowly. Y. Malik threw himself onto Ryou's shoulder and hugged it tightly.

"Aww, I love you Ryou. You're just like a pretty lady. And you smell heavenly." Y. Malik stated, taking a deep whiff of Ryou's hair. Ryou shrunk away until Malik walked up.

"I'm sorry, Ryou, I really should-OH MY GOD, YOU _DO_ SMELL GOOD!" Malik exclaimed, plopping down beside Y. Malik as he, too, began smelling Ryou. Ryou raised his eyebrow.

"What are you guys talking-JESUS, YOU'RE _RIGHT_!" Ryou shrieked, grabbing a fistful of his hair and smelling it.

"_HEY_!" Bakura screamed, standing shakily and glaring at Y. Malik and Malik. "YOU SMELLING MY WOMAN?!"

"N-no Sir!" The Maliks' both screamed, jumping up and scrambling away. Bakura smirked.

"Yeah, that's what I-," Bakura suddenly stopped and turned a greenish color. 

"Oh God…" Ryou quickly grabbed Bakura and dragged him into the bathroom.

"Well, Yami, I guess you won!" Yuugi exclaimed, smiling. "It's amazing, Yami! You don't even look like you've had a single drink!" Yami smiled, finished off his drink, and immediately fell over on his side. Just as quickly, he shot back up, looking more than a little tipsy.

"I'm okay!" Yami slurred. Just then, the door to the bathroom swung open and Bakura stumbled out. He stopped and smiled at everyone.

"I made out with Ryou!" Bakura announced triumphantly. Everyone turned and stared shockingly at Ryou. Ryou shook his head.

"He made out with the mirror." Ryou translated. Yuugi stood up.

"Okay, I think I should take Yami home." He announced, picking up Yami by his arm.

"Hey!" Seto shouted, jumping up. "He promised he'd duel me!" Yami spun around shakily.

"Okay, it seems that I'm not through with you." He slurred.

"Um, Yami, you're talking to a chair."

"I've made my decision." Yami slurred. Seto grabbed him and shoved him down next to the table. He then settled himself on the other end.

"Okay, start duel!"

"Okie dokie, artichokie." Yami stared fuzzily at his cards. "I lay down…uhh…the Elf guy. Because that's how I always start my duels."

"And I lay down…" Seto let the suspension rise. "THE JUDGE MAN!" Yami smiled eerily.

"Heh…you said 'man'…Hey, Bakura, Money-Bags said 'man'." Yami said with a laugh.

"Heh…yeah- wait, what?" Bakura asked, confused.

"Huh?"

"What?"

Seto growled in frustration. "DAMNIT, WOULD YOU DUEL ME ALREADY?!"

"Okay…jeez…well, I lay down this monster card…and this trap card…and this magic card, and that combo brings your life points down to zero." Yami smirked at Seto's shocked face. He stood up on the table. "VICTORY FOR YAMI!"

"Is it even possible to defeat someone that quick?" Ryou asked and Yuugi and Yami began to do a victory dance.

"B-but…" Seto stuttered in confusion. "But I didn't even get to play my Blue Eyes!"

"Yeah, well, because you were too busy saying 'man'." Yami stated, staring down at him.

*** 

"Hey, Aibou?" Bakura started suddenly, turning to face Ryou. It was the next day, and they had just finished cleaning up the mess from the party when Ryou suggested they take a walk. Now they were sitting in a near by park, watching the sunset from a park bench.

"Yes?"

"Do you remember when you first got the Millennium Ring?"

"Yeah."

"When I came out, I must have scared the crap out of you, 'cause you took off out of the house like a bat out of Hell! And then you ran all the way to the park! God, I must have chased you for two hours! And how I chased you for so long without slowing down, so when I caught you we couldn't stop throwing up? Remember?"

Ryou giggled. "Hehe…yeah."

Bakura sighed. "That was a fun day, wasn't it?"

They both were quiet for a while. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it was one of those rare moments when they were just content to sit and watch the sunset. Bakura decided to ruin this moment.

"Remember when I used to beat you up?"

Ryou frowned. "Yes."

Bakura shrugged. "Yeah, one day I woke up and said to myself, 'Man, I shouldn't degrade the kid…'"

At this Ryou smiled. Bakura continued. 

" '…He practically degrades himself!'" 

Ryou frowned. Bakura saw this look and tried to explain.

"I mean, look at you! That hair, and that sweater vest! _What the Hell is with that sweater vest_?!" He shrieked. Ryou looked away from him.

"You're degrading me _right now_." Ryou said through clenched teeth. Bakura waved his hand and smiled weakly.

"Come on, Aibou, you know I respect you."

Ryou raised his eyebrow. Bakura thought for a minute.

"Well, I respect you more than I respect other people." He concluded. 

Ryou leaned back against the bench and watched as Bakura got up and walked to the edge of the lake. He smiled as Bakura started breaking off pieces of bread and tossed them at the ducks in the lake. When the bread was gone, the ducks started quacking loudly and darting around in front of him in the lake.

"…DAMN IT, I'M NOT MADE OF BREAD! IF YOU WANT BREAD, YOU HAVE TO EARN IT!" Bakura screamed at the ducks, waving his arms crazily. He walked back over to Ryou and sat down. "Damn filthy beggars…don't do nothing for nobody."

"Don't use double negatives." Ryou corrected.

"I ain't using no double negatives!" Bakura argued.

Ryou shook his head. He jumped off the bench and turned to face Bakura, and, smiling, he extended his hand.

"Let's go home, Yami."

And Bakura, in a rare moment of not being a total jerk, smiled and took it.

"Yeah, let's go home. I gotta piss like a race horse." Bakura explained. Ryou shook his head.

"That's…wonderful, Yami."

"Well, it ain't my fault! I had a lot of soda, and I have a small bladder."

Ryou shook his head. "You do not have a small bladder. You're just too damn lazy to get up and go to the bathroom."

"Yeah, that's the one." Bakura paused. "You know what? We should raise some emus next."

"…Let's just go home."

-----------------

(A/N)

Well, the party's over. Woo, what a glorious feeling it is to finally be done with this story. Uh, I promise the next series of the Master saga will be much better. In fact, here's a preview of it now!

Preview for the next series in the 'Bakura the Master' saga!

Bakura: Master Male-Nurse from the Stars and _Beyond_! 

Ryou's struck down with the flu, and it's up to Bakura to make him better! Although, I think he'll end up killing Ryou with his 'Mystery Soup', which is probably equivalent to acid. From medicine runs…

"Uhh…we have some Tylenol." 

"BRILLIANT!"

…To late night throw up sessions…

"Damn, Ryou, when the Hell did you eat _that_?"

…Bakura is always there, which in turn makes an already irritable Ryou _really_ begin to hate him! It's strike three for the Master!

So remember, until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.


End file.
